Hello. I will try to be brief - hopefully I am posting in the right manner for this forum.
I am 19 years old and rotating week to week from my mothers house to my father's house. My father has a girlfriend, they have two children.
Recently (March and April 2006) I have recovered from drug addiction. With the help of my parents (both of them) and a rehab center I still attend today, I have kicked the habit. I have started shcool and work again. My parents plan to help me pay for some University costs and an appartment loan for at least my first year; I myself must contribute to this contract financialy, and dedicate myself to my studies. No more drugs, either
.
My problem resides in the harsh dynamic that exists between my father and I. My father is a very busy, high-achieving person. I have seen him suffer through depression, burnout and have an affair. I am very different from him - our values are different, but we both have the same goals for my studies and near future. The fact that I am still living with him, his girlfriend and their two toddlers, and that I depend on him for the first year of my University studies - it weighs down on our relationship.
My father often accuses me of being inconsiderate towards "others" and of living blindly to my psychological disorders. My father would like me to "get a grip" on my "problems". I do have slight anxiety, but when I look at it myself I feel I can deal with it. When I do something my father does not agree with, he accuses me and my fundamental being of either disorder or great disrespect. He is the only person who make me question my mental health and my perceptions. I pointed out to him that adults in my life, when they don't agree with me, say so but with respect and in a non-intrusive way. I never am accused of having a "problem" or of being "blind" or "a child".
I am therefore very confused and sad. I wish me and my father could treat each other like equal, respecting adults. But the financial ties as well as my past depression and drug addiction looms over us and my father cannot trust me. I feel like unfortunatly taking a break in our relationship because it make me so unconfident and so self-conscious. I do not enjoy asking myself if am I crazy nor do I think I can trust myself after our debates.
Please, impressions, similar sotries? Fathers : how do you define your relationship with a young adult son or daughter? Are your financial ties wearing down on your blood ties? Do you think I should stop seing a man who tells me I am "incoherent" or "blind to reality" ?
Thank you so much, sorry about the lenthyness of this post.
Concerned Daughter