The really good news, Whitelight, is that you are observing what you think and how you act. Many people operate without self-observation, which is mechanical behavior. Through objective self-observation you will learn much and grow far beyond the person you think you are right now.
Any occupation can be a catalyst for growth, with awareness; some are more difficult than others, and you need to determine if you are really helping yourself and others. If not, then perhaps you can find a different job that would work better for you at this time in your development.
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