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Originally Posted by Maguru  The overall perspective I feel from your post is that you are "trying" to be someone or something. The presence of 'trying' is prohibiting being. The whole story is just about you and your journey to become yourself. Knowing who you are now is the first step to leadership. |
Part of my confusion was that I was 'trying' to act in a way that portrayed humility and compassion. I was too afraid at the time to admit that I was acting out of a need for control. I was too deluded by how 'mature' I thought I was, and I honestly thought that I had moved past the need for control.
I thought I was being myself, but I knew there was something wrong. The question I was asking myself was, "Why was I 'trying' to be humble and act through loving kindness? Shouldn't that be the basis of my actions in the first place?" Now I know that I have a suppressed need to control people and situations in a way that is beneficial for me, or more specifically, my ego. At least now I can isolate the problem and work towards a state of egolessness because I have recognized that particular aspect of myself.