[seeker5]

Ok, I'm experiencing some resistance in wanting to believe in myself, and remove the "I'm f*cked" belief. There was a time when I became very confident in myself, and I did some very bold things such as turning down job opportunities, moved out of state and pursued a job at a dream company. That worked out very badly, and I crashed very hard and stayed in that despair state where I had no confidence or faith in myself for years, gained a lot of weight, lost all discipline, etc. I ended taking jobs for a few months at a time doing fast food, retail, factory work that I hated just so I could survive. Took me years to get out of that situation.

So, in a way, I'm scared that I'll become super-confident again, and then experience the same kind of crash that left me in a bad state for years. But then again, if I keep this belief of "I'm f*cked", I'm gonna have the same experience anyhow.

Ugh. So I need to have a kind of balanced confidence and belief in myself.