Personal Development for Smart People Forums - View Single Post - How do I separate my issues from others' issues?

BenThere · 08-04-2008, 08:02 AM

It took me two hours to get this under a thousand words. Hopefully it's not so much that I'll have be rejected for having too many problems.

My life has a multitude of issues, including:

The collapse of my health that keeps me from working. Intermittent seizures and catastrophic exhaustion are just two of the troublesome symptoms, making it difficult for me to commit to plans.
The collapse of my finances from being out of work - NO savings, credit, investments, etc. left to fall back on.
Not being able to get medical help because of being broke. My condition is mired in political BS, making it unclear whether the county health system could help me.
My partner's extreme PTSD (from violent childhood abuse) that keeps her from working, although her disability insurance pays part of our bills. Plans, follow through, money, and dealing with other people all throw her into total freakout mode because they all were connected with her getting beat up throughout her first couple of decades.
The abusiveness of my family that keeps me from knowing where my father was buried (I wasn't allowed to attend his funeral) and whether my mother's still alive. She's hung up and not returned calls, and not acknowledged letters from me and from her brother, for years... to the point I felt there was no use in continuing to try to reach someone who doesn't want to be reached.
Living in a place where the summer climate is very hard on my health. The change of seasons around October makes things a lot better for me.
At a loss to summarize my life in a 10 second "sound bite" like you get on TV - leading to some people who cared giving up on me because they just can't begin to understand why we don't simply "try harder."

There's more, but these are the biggest issues.

As you can see from my other postings, I'm vigorously working to learn positive thinking approaches that could help me and other people.

But personally, I am SO STUCK.

I feel that at least some of this has a spiritual element that is not really my burden. My parents were in a very destructive faith healing cult when I was a kid. Once they left the cult, they then let my needs slide to deal with other family member's issues. So I never learned what it means to "take good care of myself." And I recognize a destructive pattern of getting into relationships with people who don't take good care of themselves, and are unable to consistently help me either. After all, that's what family was mostly about for me as a kid.

We have excellent free ongoing cognitive therapy from a social worker. We are in a positive, constructive church. We have a couple of helpful mentors and a couple of friends in our lives. Otherwise, we're pretty isolated. We don't have anyone in our lives with a spiritual perspective outside of mainstream Christianity, which both of us feel is nice but not the whole story for us.

I'm fascinated by ayahuesca reports about the shaman helping people get free of the spiritual darts & darkness that oppressed them. I feel a sense of resonance with those kind of ideas. Would like to find out if that kind of healing could happen for me. At this point even if I had the money, I'm not sure if I could survive a trip to the jungle.

If I could have anything I could imagine, I would have:

Consistently good health.
The equipment to get started on my ideal career (around $10k for the basics).
Living expenses for a few months to start up the new business (another $10k or so).
A more comfortable, clean, quiet, safe place to live than we have now (it's adequate but not great).
A positive friendship with my current partner, who has many positive qualities, but living apart from her day to day to free me up to look for someone who is already emotionally healthy and where I don't once again have the burden of being a caretaker for someone who's usually helpless and distraught.
A "master mind" team to help me market my work in the areas I love most. For that matter, a "master mind" team in each of the life changes I desire to experience.
Whatever spiritual & emotional healing would help me stand up for myself at last and speak up for the truth when it could do some good; and to completely abandon futile hopes, with peace of mind that there's nothing more I can do, when confronting abusive people would get me nowhere.
Lots of kind, encouraging, compassionate true friends.

It's getting from "next to nothing" to "step 1" that seems insurmountable. If I could get to step 1 or 2, I could see how to go on from there.

I find myself spinning in circles looking for a way to climb out of the "spin cycle." I feel certain that some significant part of my trouble is spiritual oppression that was dumped into my life, and that I want to be rid of at last.

I wonder if anyone with spiritual/psychic insight would be willing to ask whatever your source of wisdom is if there is some way out of the hole.

I'll make additional posts about my work-related strengths, and about clever ideas. Right now, I am seeking a spiritual perspective - from soul, not from ego, not even from ingenious mental ideas.

Can anyone provide such a perspective, even though I really can't pay for a session now?

08-04-2008, 08:02 AM	#1 (permalink)
BenThere Member Join Date: Jul 2008 Posts: 86	How do I separate my issues from others' issues? It took me two hours to get this under a thousand words. Hopefully it's not so much that I'll have be rejected for having too many problems. My life has a multitude of issues, including: The collapse of my health that keeps me from working. Intermittent seizures and catastrophic exhaustion are just two of the troublesome symptoms, making it difficult for me to commit to plans. The collapse of my finances from being out of work - NO savings, credit, investments, etc. left to fall back on. Not being able to get medical help because of being broke. My condition is mired in political BS, making it unclear whether the county health system could help me. My partner's extreme PTSD (from violent childhood abuse) that keeps her from working, although her disability insurance pays part of our bills. Plans, follow through, money, and dealing with other people all throw her into total freakout mode because they all were connected with her getting beat up throughout her first couple of decades. The abusiveness of my family that keeps me from knowing where my father was buried (I wasn't allowed to attend his funeral) and whether my mother's still alive. She's hung up and not returned calls, and not acknowledged letters from me and from her brother, for years... to the point I felt there was no use in continuing to try to reach someone who doesn't want to be reached. Living in a place where the summer climate is very hard on my health. The change of seasons around October makes things a lot better for me. At a loss to summarize my life in a 10 second "sound bite" like you get on TV - leading to some people who cared giving up on me because they just can't begin to understand why we don't simply "try harder." There's more, but these are the biggest issues. As you can see from my other postings, I'm vigorously working to learn positive thinking approaches that could help me and other people. But personally, I am SO STUCK. I feel that at least some of this has a spiritual element that is not really my burden. My parents were in a very destructive faith healing cult when I was a kid. Once they left the cult, they then let my needs slide to deal with other family member's issues. So I never learned what it means to "take good care of myself." And I recognize a destructive pattern of getting into relationships with people who don't take good care of themselves, and are unable to consistently help me either. After all, that's what family was mostly about for me as a kid. We have excellent free ongoing cognitive therapy from a social worker. We are in a positive, constructive church. We have a couple of helpful mentors and a couple of friends in our lives. Otherwise, we're pretty isolated. We don't have anyone in our lives with a spiritual perspective outside of mainstream Christianity, which both of us feel is nice but not the whole story for us. I'm fascinated by ayahuesca reports about the shaman helping people get free of the spiritual darts & darkness that oppressed them. I feel a sense of resonance with those kind of ideas. Would like to find out if that kind of healing could happen for me. At this point even if I had the money, I'm not sure if I could survive a trip to the jungle. If I could have anything I could imagine, I would have: Consistently good health. The equipment to get started on my ideal career (around $10k for the basics). Living expenses for a few months to start up the new business (another $10k or so). A more comfortable, clean, quiet, safe place to live than we have now (it's adequate but not great). A positive friendship with my current partner, who has many positive qualities, but living apart from her day to day to free me up to look for someone who is already emotionally healthy and where I don't once again have the burden of being a caretaker for someone who's usually helpless and distraught. A "master mind" team to help me market my work in the areas I love most. For that matter, a "master mind" team in each of the life changes I desire to experience. Whatever spiritual & emotional healing would help me stand up for myself at last and speak up for the truth when it could do some good; and to completely abandon futile hopes, with peace of mind that there's nothing more I can do, when confronting abusive people would get me nowhere. Lots of kind, encouraging, compassionate true friends. It's getting from "next to nothing" to "step 1" that seems insurmountable. If I could get to step 1 or 2, I could see how to go on from there. I find myself spinning in circles looking for a way to climb out of the "spin cycle." I feel certain that some significant part of my trouble is spiritual oppression that was dumped into my life, and that I want to be rid of at last. I wonder if anyone with spiritual/psychic insight would be willing to ask whatever your source of wisdom is if there is some way out of the hole. I'll make additional posts about my work-related strengths, and about clever ideas. Right now, I am seeking a spiritual perspective - from soul, not from ego, not even from ingenious mental ideas. Can anyone provide such a perspective, even though I really can't pay for a session now?