[Mato Kinze]

Originally Posted by WhiteLight

During the past few days I've been observing social interactions in a new perspective, one that could be described as...magnetic. To put this into context, imagine how people behave when they more or less 'go with the flow'. It might also help to mention that I am able to be an observer (not just what's in front, but all around me, especially with people), while still acting spontaneously.

The past couple of months I've grown more and more comfortable with myself, and you could say that I hardly ever hesitate (when I do, it's because I know that the action I would have done would bring about negative consequences). I have begun to adopt an empowered view towards the relationships I have with people I meet. I always seek to act through loving kindness, I conduct myself as humble as possible, and I set aside my ego to the best of my ability. As such, I abhor the idea of manipulating people, on any level.

Here's where the dilemma begins. One of the characteristics of being a man is the ability to lead.

Sez who?

Originally Posted by WhiteLight

When I act without hesitation I find myself naturally leading in many social interactions. Not necessarily with conversation...but mainly with body language.

Now, because I want to act through loving kindness and humility, I've found myself consciously 'following', 'mirroring' (in these cases I don't hesitate, and neither does the other person), or letting other people take the lead more and more recently. I consciously act in a way that suggests that I am not an alpha male, I am not the best, I am not the first, etc. For example, when I'm hanging out at a friend's house, I realize that it's their house, and I shouldn't impose upon them because I'm a guest. I let them make the decisions for the most part, kinda like going along for the ride.

Is this behavior impeding my progress? I have chosen to live my life courageously, but my actions would suggest that I am not comfortable with leading, with being a man.

Still not sure where this ideaq that men must be leaders is coming from. Or equating "Maleness" with leadership....

Originally Posted by WhiteLight

Part of my fear is that when I do take initiative, it seems to piss people off (mostly older men with an alpha male mentality, or women who are so used to controlling men).

Who has the problem with this? You or them?

Originally Posted by WhiteLight

How am I supposed to be humble when my actions would suggest that I am a natural leader? I mean, the more I write about this, and the more I read what I'm writing, the more I realize that I shouldn't be afraid of anything. Leaders are able to be humble and act through love. I have nothing to feel guilty about. The fear of leading is just an illusion.

All true leaders do so with action, not words. Action, especially right action, speaks to people's souls, not their minds. As for being a humble leader, again, all the True leaders are, because to be a leader is to be in total service to those you lead. It is to be completely without regard for self and one's own needs or Ego.

Originally Posted by WhiteLight

But it's all so confusing sometimes. I have the ability to lead, but because of my awareness I sense the impact it has on the people around me. I work in customer service (returns and exchanges at IKEA) so there have been many times where my courage has been tested. I consciously choose to meet those challenges head on, and many times I have turned a possible negative situation into a positive one. When I do encounter hostile alpha males/females I interact courageously, and frankly, in a manner that they would never expect. Even if they're bigger, my actions cause them to back off and cease trying to intimidate me.

Could it be social programming that makes me think that what I'm doing is manipulative? When I don't hesitate, everything goes so smoothly, but then again, I feel like I'm manipulating/taking advantage/imposing my will upon people. Maybe manipulate is too negative a word. Influence is a better word for it. Maybe the solution is to realize that I have the power to influence people in a positive way, and I have to embrace that realization. I know that this is the next step I have to overcome, because my fear is pointing me in that direction.

Does anyone have any insight towards this area? Is there anything wrong with my logic? How can I put aside my ego and be humble when my spontaneous actions always put me in the spotlight? Yes, I do choose my words carefully, but actions speak much louder than words. I love being in the spotlight and facing my fears head-on. I love that rush that courses through my body, and it feels so empowering to be able to act gracefully through any situation. Could it be that I'm afraid of my own greatness? Could it be that I don't love myself enough yet to embrace my destiny? Maybe a shift of perspective is in order (positive influence instead of manipulation).

Sigh, more and more questions keep popping up the more I write and read what I'm writing. It feels good to get it off my chest though, in the hopes that someone on here understands what I'm feeling.

Being a warrior means being impeccable. When you do what you were meant to do, everyone benefits. If you were meant to be a leader then lead. If you TRY to be a leader and piss people off, then chances are you shouldn't try. If you piss people off simply by being who you are, then you need to be around different people.

This is not a difficult issue. You're making it difficult with your head. Follow your heart and it will lead you truly.