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uberinquisitive · 08-03-2008, 04:21 PM

This happened to me.

A year and half ago, my fiancé killed himself after I ended the relationship. Besides grief, I felt extreme guilt and self-hatred. I felt I had murdered him.

What helped me?

- Therapy
- Suicide survivor support group (in person)
- Suicide survivor support group (online)
- Time

Her guilt may seem irrational to everyone else, but I've lived it and I know just how powerful those forces can be. She needs professional help to work through those issues.

I had twice weekly sessions of EFT sessions with a master practitioner for about 8 months. I also went to twice monthly in person support groups, and then posted on the online support groups daily.

I would say that the support of others was important in the mundane, practical aspects. People who cooked meals for me. People who paid bills for me. People who allowed me to cry, without judgement.

But mainly - people who stuck around after the first 3 months. It seems that, after 3 months, everyone expected me to "get over it." That was probably the most traumatizing aspect - I not only felt like a monster for killing my man, but now people were telling me I was weak to still feel this way.

Here are some suggestions for you:

- Be prepared to be extremely patient for at least 1-3 years.
- Make sure she eats 3 meals a day and drinks ALOT of water.
- Get her into therapy ASAP! By the way, there are a lot of therapists that specialize in complicated grief (suicide, murder, accidents), so they would be ideal.

For almost an entire year, my cousin took care of me. As in, was by my side almost 24 hours a day (she was studying for a grad school entrance exam). My family chipped in to help pay my expenses for almost 8 months. And I had friends who were there for me, to listen to me.

After about a year, I finally felt happy again. And today - I am living my dream life. The suicide was a tragedy, a true lemon - and, with the great help and support of professionals, family, and friends - I turned it into lemonade. Your friend can also take this event and, over the years, find the silver lining.

I wish her luck.

08-03-2008, 04:21 PM	#9 (permalink)
uberinquisitive Senior Member Join Date: Mar 2007 Posts: 634	This happened to me. A year and half ago, my fiancé killed himself after I ended the relationship. Besides grief, I felt extreme guilt and self-hatred. I felt I had murdered him. What helped me? - Therapy - Suicide survivor support group (in person) - Suicide survivor support group (online) - Time Her guilt may seem irrational to everyone else, but I've lived it and I know just how powerful those forces can be. She needs professional help to work through those issues. I had twice weekly sessions of EFT sessions with a master practitioner for about 8 months. I also went to twice monthly in person support groups, and then posted on the online support groups daily. I would say that the support of others was important in the mundane, practical aspects. People who cooked meals for me. People who paid bills for me. People who allowed me to cry, without judgement. But mainly - people who stuck around after the first 3 months. It seems that, after 3 months, everyone expected me to "get over it." That was probably the most traumatizing aspect - I not only felt like a monster for killing my man, but now people were telling me I was weak to still feel this way. Here are some suggestions for you: - Be prepared to be extremely patient for at least 1-3 years. - Make sure she eats 3 meals a day and drinks ALOT of water. - Get her into therapy ASAP! By the way, there are a lot of therapists that specialize in complicated grief (suicide, murder, accidents), so they would be ideal. For almost an entire year, my cousin took care of me. As in, was by my side almost 24 hours a day (she was studying for a grad school entrance exam). My family chipped in to help pay my expenses for almost 8 months. And I had friends who were there for me, to listen to me. After about a year, I finally felt happy again. And today - I am living my dream life. The suicide was a tragedy, a true lemon - and, with the great help and support of professionals, family, and friends - I turned it into lemonade. Your friend can also take this event and, over the years, find the silver lining. I wish her luck.