thank you alex.
as much as i agree that the ego can be harmful like that, isn't it possible to change it? i mean i've read eckhart tolle, and i agree with many things he has said but i'm still trying to grasp it. by allowing yourself to get rid of the story line and just feel the emotion.. then release it.. perhaps i'm having trouble releasing it because in the end i still feel that way. it doesn't feel like it changes anything.
in fact in between the time i wrote that and came back here i felt more powerful when i realized that i want myself. i can love myself and i do (i hope this feeling lasts). does this make me attached to my ego because i didn't just let the thoughts go? am i not moving forward or in the right direction? i feel better in my gut now that i came to that realization -- i feel peaceful.. but is it the right peaceful? i feel like i am in the process of forgiving my parents for not being able to be there for me. that they have their own troubles they are dealing with.. and its ok. and i'm ok.