Originally Posted by Ceros
They didn't "do me a good turn". They did something horrible to me, and it was myself who turned that around into a good turn. That doesn't mean that I should thank them, as it was never their intention for this to happen.
Don't know. It certainly brings me joy when I imagine them suffering.
As I said (and this is important) I'm not driven by revenge. I'm driven by hatred. What they did to me no longer matters. What matters is that they still exist and that I want them to suffer.
I believe in a subjective reality. Hence, if I want them to be punished, I should do it myself. What use to me the idea that they got punished if I never saw it happen?
Time doesn't heal. It makes you forget. I want to find a workable solution to this dilemma, not wait until it festers and grows into something even more hideous.
I feel for you Ceros, and I can understand how you would want revenge. I don't have a lot of advice, but I want to point out that there is a very fine line between love and hatred.
Instead of a spectrum where love is on opposite of hate:
Try to picture it like this:
They are both such passionate emotions. They exist side by side. Just direct all of that intense passion on the other side of the line. (If that makes sense to you at all).
There is someone in my life that I really, really hated for what he did to me. The rest of the world only reinforced my hatred for him. They would say, "You must really hate him for what he did to you. How does that feel?" It was such intense, raw hatred that I started not to like myself. I did not want to be a hateful person. Now whenever I think of him, I direct all of that intense energy into love. See if you can replace all of that hate with love, just one time, and see how it feels. It seems ridiculous at first, but it has really helped me. I felt the hatred melt away, and it is a HUUUUGE weight off of my shoulders. Hatred is exhausting!