Personal Development for Smart People Forums - View Single Post - This is where my story is now.. please help

striving4peace · 07-29-2008, 02:12 PM

Update:

I'm now a 28 year old virgin, on my way to becoming 29 soon.
I've managed a tonne of progress and the circumstances are changing, and so I thought I'd update and ask for opinions and advice.

The last year has been very interesting for me. I reflected long on my past, analysed patterns, studied my personality as it evolved through the years to get answers on why and how I became the person I am today. I could list all the insecurities I had, deconstructed the beliefs that arose because of them and managed to overcome the insecurities (of my weight and body issues, of comparitively living a life with a lot less 'fun' than my peers, and a couple of others )

The last month alone has been even more interesting in terms of personal development.
I've discovered the teachings of Eckhart Tolle's the power of now and it really helped me achieve peace to an extent.

On the outside it has also been interesting - I've been working long and hard, increasing intensity and discipline, and being creative at coming with solutions - all for chasing and achieving the goals I'd set for myself - including getting a lot fitter.

One of the goals of course being - meeting someone I could fall in love with, marry, and lose my virginity to and have loads of hot sex (and not all in that same order :P )
I tried to meet new people, which I did - asked few of them out - got rejected, or it just couldn't work out (cos unknown to me they weren't single - 60%, or they preferred me to be of the same religion as them - 20%, or some other miscellaneous reason - 20%)

My parents are still trying to introduce me to girls through matrimonial sites and so far it hasn't gone too well cos most of the girls are from villages and haven't really been on the same wavelegnth as me, but I do meet a new single girl once in a while, who I try for.

My question is this: Now that I've overcome my insecurities, it's given me some new found freedom. when I pondered over my moral standpoint on having sex, it was always to have it with someone I care for. However a really good friend (who doesn't really have morals about sex - who'se done pretty much anything and everything) suggests I go on a spree of one night stands just to get better at sex, to lose the stigma, to build self esteem - and to mainly improve my quality of life by getting laid frequently.

But I don't want to do that because it was part of my morals and values to share sex with someone I care about. the thing I can't seem to put my finger on is -is this 'virgin thinking'? Will I regret it later? Should I push past the moral that may have risen because I wanted someone who could accpet the many 'flaws' my insecurities were based on? Am I being or have I been stupid?

Many other friends have told me waiting for the right one is worth waiting for. But this is only if I find the right girl. right now I'm finally past the point where I wouldn't budge on the premarital aspect, but at least the girl should be someone I care about.

But as I approach 30 soon, I'm really beginning to wonder if and when it'll happen. I really don't want to end up a 30 year old virgin, but at the same time I don't want to compromise on everything and lose it to a one night stand before ending up in a sexless dull marraige to a girl who is not on the same wavelength as I.

Views? Opinions?

07-29-2008, 02:12 PM	#13 (permalink)
striving4peace Senior Member Join Date: Oct 2007 Posts: 204	Update: I'm now a 28 year old virgin, on my way to becoming 29 soon. I've managed a tonne of progress and the circumstances are changing, and so I thought I'd update and ask for opinions and advice. The last year has been very interesting for me. I reflected long on my past, analysed patterns, studied my personality as it evolved through the years to get answers on why and how I became the person I am today. I could list all the insecurities I had, deconstructed the beliefs that arose because of them and managed to overcome the insecurities (of my weight and body issues, of comparitively living a life with a lot less 'fun' than my peers, and a couple of others ) The last month alone has been even more interesting in terms of personal development. I've discovered the teachings of Eckhart Tolle's the power of now and it really helped me achieve peace to an extent. On the outside it has also been interesting - I've been working long and hard, increasing intensity and discipline, and being creative at coming with solutions - all for chasing and achieving the goals I'd set for myself - including getting a lot fitter. One of the goals of course being - meeting someone I could fall in love with, marry, and lose my virginity to and have loads of hot sex (and not all in that same order :P ) I tried to meet new people, which I did - asked few of them out - got rejected, or it just couldn't work out (cos unknown to me they weren't single - 60%, or they preferred me to be of the same religion as them - 20%, or some other miscellaneous reason - 20%) My parents are still trying to introduce me to girls through matrimonial sites and so far it hasn't gone too well cos most of the girls are from villages and haven't really been on the same wavelegnth as me, but I do meet a new single girl once in a while, who I try for. My question is this: Now that I've overcome my insecurities, it's given me some new found freedom. when I pondered over my moral standpoint on having sex, it was always to have it with someone I care for. However a really good friend (who doesn't really have morals about sex - who'se done pretty much anything and everything) suggests I go on a spree of one night stands just to get better at sex, to lose the stigma, to build self esteem - and to mainly improve my quality of life by getting laid frequently. But I don't want to do that because it was part of my morals and values to share sex with someone I care about. the thing I can't seem to put my finger on is -is this 'virgin thinking'? Will I regret it later? Should I push past the moral that may have risen because I wanted someone who could accpet the many 'flaws' my insecurities were based on? Am I being or have I been stupid? Many other friends have told me waiting for the right one is worth waiting for. But this is only if I find the right girl. right now I'm finally past the point where I wouldn't budge on the premarital aspect, but at least the girl should be someone I care about. But as I approach 30 soon, I'm really beginning to wonder if and when it'll happen. I really don't want to end up a 30 year old virgin, but at the same time I don't want to compromise on everything and lose it to a one night stand before ending up in a sexless dull marraige to a girl who is not on the same wavelength as I. Views? Opinions?