I don't think you can find an answer. I'm in a similar position as you with "I can't win," and I'm beginning to think that the reason I'm not finding the answer is that I'm looking for it. But the answer is already there, isn't it? Your every motion, your every thought, all of them are being affected, aren't they? How can the answer be buried if it's so obvious? I don't know, but I think it has nothing to do with finding or searching, but just having the courage to see. It's not about being present, or casting out emotions, or letting go. It's about knowing what you already know. I can't explain it, it's like having the courage that you already have to know what you already know. Maybe you get what I'm saying? I don't. Or do I?