[Angela]

Originally Posted by Honeywith4bees

Thanks Angela! The way of being that I am committed to becoming is "generousity". I want to be free and generous with my time, my smile, my love and my kindness. I want to be relaxed and open, not stingy and afraid.

Great! Now, if you were being Generosity, what would be possible with your son? with your thoughts about your boyfriend and his arrangement with his ex? and the Biggie: If you were being Generosity, what would be possible in your relationship with your ex? (that one might be a hard one to consider, I know! But just speculate. You don't have to commit. ).

And how do I let go of it? By just acknowledging and then not believing it or noticing but not accepting? I'm not completely sure how . . .

How you let go of something is you acknowledge and accept it, maybe even thank it! -- and just let it go. One way I've found useful is I picture it as a heavy ball in my abdomen, I use my hands to reach and lift it out of my body, put it down on the ground, say buh-bye, and walk away forever (don't worry, old pain is biodegradable. It's like really good fertilizer.)

The body language is soooo deeply ingrained. This morning for example, my son and I got into a conversation and I didn't like hearing what he was saying. I wanted to be open to him and be a generous listener. It wasn't until after that I realized how tight my stomache had become and how shallow my breathing was. Not exactly what I wanted to convey. So I hurt everyone, myself included. But I'm not seeing what you mean about cleaning something up with someone. I know that I harbor some deep resentments towards my ex. I have some feelings about my family too, (Mother, Father and Sister), but those feelings are less about resentment and more about resignedness. (Is that really a word?)

Well, you just described a situation that sounds like you'd feel better about if you cleaned it up. Here you are, committed to being generosity, and giving up being worthless, and what do you do? You stop yourself from being a generous listener to your beloved son because you don't want to hear what he has to say. What impact do you imagine that has on him? Maybe that he, himself, feels worthless? When you hurt someone like this, you can tell him, "look, I'm committed to hearing everything you say to me the way you want me to hear it, and this morning I did a terrible job of that. I want you to know I love you and value everything you have to say, even when it's sometimes difficult for me to hear. I'm really sorry for being such a sucky listener, and I promise you that I will listen to you from now on the way you deserve to be listened to. Can we have that conversation again? Is there more you want to say about it?" And then listen to him and repeat back what he said and ask him if you got it the way he wants it to be gotten, free of your additions or interpretations or other crap. Repeat until HE is satisfied.

And do that with whomever else you need to clean up, too. Train the people into your life to hold you accountable for what you are committed to being, and to help you let go of what doesn't work -- cuz it doesn't work for anybody, not just you.

Ahhh, thank you thank you thank you. I really needed that! And I love you too!

Thank you! Love is grand.