First of all, I am sorry you're hurting with this.
Second of all, you are never going to get rid of "I am worthless." Sorry about that. It will be with you till the day you die. And HW4B, who are you as a possibility? What did you commit to as a way of being that inspired you?
Third of all, you've got that comparison thing going on that you might want to consider if it's worth letting go of. Your boyfriend has an agreement with his ex, he gave his word and he is keeping it, and that is a great thing. You have a man of integrity on your hands. "Why does SHE get money for nothing and I have to bust my butt?!?" -- that sounds familiar, doesn't it? And it doesn't take much for you to see that her getting money from your boyfriend is a completely separate and unrelated matter to your situation with your ex, right? She gets money (and chirrosis and bedsores) but you get this great guy. So drop that crap, willya?
Fourth of all, are you okay, right now? No, wait, that should have been second of all.
Fifth of all, who is it that you're hurting with your body language? Is there something you need to clean up with anyone, maybe make a commitment to being your inspiring possibility with instead of, well, youuuuu knowwwww....
and Sixth of all, I love you. My heart is with you, and I send you all kinds of comfort and sweetness.