[garentee]

Originally Posted by Angela

Ahhh, there's your clue, garentee. This feeling that has pushed your button, this feeling of being misunderstood? When you get bugged about something, it's worth examining the belief you hold that makes it uncomfortable for you... a belief about yourself that you are uncomfortable about because you are trying to prove it's not so and also trying to avoid having people find out. Exhausting!

At first reading your posts, I was thinking maybe your belief is as simple as "Love equals loss" -- something you may have decided when your mom left you. And that is certainly worth investigating, too, isn't it? But my feeling is that there's something else there, too, a belief that has you not free to express yourself.

Intimacy, as I see it, is knowing and being known -- seeing and being seen. You really are vulnerable if you commit to those things, because when another human sees you, she sees things you're not even aware of, and when you see her, you may see things that will trigger your old pain. No wonder it's scary! And... if you are willing to distinguish the belief you have about yourself that you've been trying to cover up and also prove is not so, just shedding light on it will remove its power over you.

Good luck, and it looks like you're on the right track to me.

First off Thank you for your encouragement Angela. I think you really hit upon something that I have known, but have not put a lot of stock into or taken a lot of time to investigate which is the freedom to express myself. Very interesting. As I was reading that I realized that I do that especially around women who I am interested in. FEAR. I know that I need to look in to this. Thanks again. G