[Alvaro]

Hola Michelle, (Alvin, thanks for the link that allowed me to find this discussion)

Thanks for your question. I loved to see the positive assumptions in your question "I know it must be possible to feel worthy without needing the stuff. How does one learn this?"

You know. And you want to learn.

How would one learn Chinese? with practice, persistence, planting some seeds and cultivating them for growth. I have not found a drastic/ fastest way to change our basic outlook in life. We can re-wire our brains, literally, but it requires motivation and devotion to the process.

Let me now borrow from a blog post I wrote a while back, on being positive, I think it may help.

I remember a few years ago when, over brunch, my good friend Rohit proposed that

Happiness = Reality – Expectations. (Play with it, and it grows. It is very powerful)

A few months later after this discovery, at a public concert, while some friends were having a lively debate on this equation, a nearby stranger proposed a nice refinement:

Happiness = (Appreciation, of what we have, and can do) x ( Reality – Expectations)

Which is nicely phrased in the sentence I have read in a number of places

We need Serenity to accept
the things that cannot be changed,
Courage to change the things
which should be changed,
and Wisdom to distinguish
the one from the other.

Mahatma Gandhi encouraged us to “Be the change you want to see in the world”.

The fact is that there is much good around us, and much more good of us can do. We don’t always see it this way, but it is a fact (if you doubt this, why don’t you do the Basketball experiment in a previous post). We probably would benefit from having easier access to a CNN of Positive News, of Kind Gestures, Unexpected Generosity, Magic Coincidences, Beautiful Growth.

No matter our religion, or lack thereof, we can benefit from what the book Daniel Goleman’s Destructive Emotions: How Can We overcome Them proposes as “A Gym for Emotional Skills”.

How can one train this muscle of Appreciation? well, no clinical studies here, but my wife and I like to do, less often that we should, an exercise proposed by Jeffrey Brantley in Five Good Minutes: 100 Morning Practices To Help You Stay Calm & Focused All Day Long:

First, travel back, in your mind’s eye, to a time when you felt a healthy exhaustion, and let you relive that moment as vividly as you can.

Then, remember, re-experience, a loving exchange that really touched you. Pause. See the moment. Smell it. Hear what happened around you.

Next, visualize the most caring gesture you have ever received, as full of details as possible. Who gave you that gift of caring. How you felt.

Now, travel to the most magnificent place you have seen. Enjoy the views. Pause. Listen. Smile. Appreciate.