[mncz]

This post really convinced me that I am going in the right direction with my life, as hard as it feels at this moment.

Due to my upbringing it is very hard for me to accept that my boyfriend would love me even if I was unsuccessful (in a conventional sense of success) and poor (think about this from the pow of "things that you think about others you actually think about yourself and see, how "nice" person I am :/), but I am slowly getting there, and he does. It is also hard for me to accept that I am a "lovable" person if I don't want things that I have been conditioned to want, but want something completely different instead. I still have hard time to love myself for what I am, not for what other people expect me to be.

Keep up the good work, Steve, it is awesome how this site has inspired me to change my life for the best, and I am amazed by every moment of it. Even when I am deeply hurt or lost for a moment (due to too many things I have done so wrong before), I cry and then I say to myself: with all this growing pain, I would still choose this life over the "tolerance/push myself/calculating" one that I have been living for too many years already. And then I proceed, trying to project love, forgiveness, truth and strenght. Sometimes I fail. Sometimes I get scared. Sometimes I just want to pull a blanket over my head and see things pass me as if I was sleeping in a river (and I do that). Sometimes I still get annoyed or angry. But slowly, day by day, it gets better, and I have this hope that soon, soon already I will have the life I dream about, a life that is soooo distant from what I have been conditioned to desire.

It is awesome.