[garentee]

Originally Posted by Swannie

If you really believe that the counselling you received was not done from love, find a better counsellor. Better may be the wrong word objectively, but I mean better for you. Your counsellor or psychiatrist is your partner in working through these issues. You need to trust them, or they need to build your trust in them. I've not been to a "professional", so I have to go on accounts I have read and the little friends have told me.

The fact that you feel you are "hungry for a good high quality relationship" is slightly unsettling. I do understand the value of such a relationship, it is so liberating, and can fill you with much strength to face issues. But looking for the person that can help you deal with those issues... as it appears to me from your description of the two important women in your recent life... is unfair on the other person. You can not go into a relationship with the intention, however it is framed, of using it to deal with issues.

Even with the purest of intentions, there is only so much an untrained person can do to help with deep issues. When a counsellor/"shrink" sees you are in pain, they are trained to deal with it. When your S.O. sees you in pain, they will feel it too. When the professional wants to ask a colleague for advice on your case, they can do so with anonymity, detachment and a shared understanding. When you partner finds your issues too much, they have no easy place to turn without the likely feeling they are breaking some level of trust with you.

So in short, a quality relationship is an amazing thing. But don't use it to work through your issues. Gain strength from it, from the love and understanding, but do the work elsewhere.

I guess as usual I need to clarify. I have only the most positive experiences with my shrink. He was really really effective. BUT.... I have been finding that the wounds heal a lot more when I have been using the tools that I have picked up from many many places especially from him in a real context. The advice that you get from a psychologist is great and gives the tools that you need(in my experience)to move forward. Both of the women who I mentioned above have helped me in ways that a psychologist could not because it involved my heart. I help them as well and the love we share is real. We cannot move to where we want to be for various reasons, but we do have very serious emotional exchanges that heal both parties. I have to say that during the past four months my experiences with them has shown me that I am capable of having a relationship and I DO have very good relationships with each of these women. I am in the middle of it pretty heavily right now with one of them and the realizations that I have had since I posted originally have been stunning. the growth I have experienced this week alone is huge. Even since I post3ed here yesterday morning.There have been a lot of tears and a lot of joy and a lot of pain but at the end of it I feel like this fear is starting to crumble like so many others have in the past few months never mind the past five years or so. Every time I think I want to go back to see my psychologist, I do the hard work using the tools at my disposal and I transcend old barriers that have previously held me back. The drive I have to make this reality is extreme and there is nothing that will hold me back from getting to the bottom of these issues. This is harder than anything I have done previously... But so far it has not stopped me. I am certainly not saying that in the future I will not go back in to my psych, nor am I suggesting that he was ineffective and I apologize if it seems as though that was what I was saying. thanks for your words. G