It seems to me that she is not your soul mate. If she was your soul mate you would be so fascinated, awed, and blessed by the intense emotions that you would feel, no matter what other says, no matter what fortune tellings indicate you would be determined, you would know it deeply and you would stay calm at your heart. You would think "Even if she leaves me I would be grateful for everything she shared with me. I would be grateful that she let me know how true love can be" Besides probably you would be flying of happiness in your dreams.
If my words have slightly shocked you think about what it means for you to be with a soul mate. Do you think that soul mates find each other and live happily forever? Wouldn't it be too simplistic... and... easy.... and ... err.. - boring - ? Are you aware of challenges that you may face? Are you ready to welcome every feeling that comes from her? Are you strong enough to see yourself through her eyes without any judgement? And are you curious about what her deepest needs are? Or are you trying to maintain a so called happy relationship that helps you escape from facing your true self?
If your main aim is to stabilize an emotional and biological state of well being, won't it be easier for you to find a drug that has no or tiny side effects? "If in your fear you would seek only love's peace and love's pleasure, then it is better for you that you cover your nakedness and pass out of love's threshing floor, into the seasonless world where you shall laugh, but not all of your laughter, and weep, but not all of your tears." (The rest of these lines of the poem is below) Stabilization equals death. You must know that it is not what you truly want. (It was not a hard guess because if it was the case you wouldn't be a member of this forum at all) You want to explore the limits of your soul. You want to share this adventure with a soul that is motivated as much as you are. So, why fear the possibility that she can leave you? If she leaves, you still will be able to feel great emotions that will help you progress in your spiritual growth.
On Love (Kahlil Gibran 1923)
When love beckons to you, follow him,
Though his ways are hard and steep,
And when his wings enfold you yield to him,
Though the sword hidden among his pinions may wound you.
And when he speaks to you believe in him,
Though his voice may shatter your dreams as the north wind lays waste the garden.
For even as love crowns you so shall he crucify you.
Even as he is for your growth so is he for your pruning.
Even as he ascends to your height and caresses your tenderest branches that quiver in the sun,
So shall he descend to your roots and shake them in their clinging to the earth.
Like sheaves of corn he gathers you unto himself.
He threshes you to make you naked.
He sifts you to free you from your husks.
He grinds you to whiteness.
He kneads you until you are pliant;
And then he assigns you to his sacred fire,
that you may become sacred bread for God's sacred feast.
All these things shall love do unto you that you may know the secrets of your heart,
and in that knowledge become a fragment of Life's heart.
But if in your fear you would seek only love's peace and love's pleasure,
Then it is better for you that you cover your nakedness and pass out of love's threshing floor,
Into the seasonless world where you shall laugh, but not all of your laughter, and weep, but not all of your tears.
Love gives naught but itself and takes naught but from itself.
Love possesses not nor would it be possessed;
For love is sufficient unto love.
When you love you should not say,
'God is in my heart,' but rather,
'I am in the heart of God.'
And think not you can direct the course of love,
for love, if it finds you worthy, directs your course.
Love has no other desire but to fulfill itself.
But if you love and must needs have desires, let these be your desires:
To melt and be like a running brook that sings its melody to the night,
To know the pain of too much tenderness.
To be wounded by your own understanding of love;
And to bleed willingly and joyfully.
To wake at dawn with a winged heart and give thanks for another day of loving;
To rest at the noon hour and meditate love's ecstasy;
To return home at eventide with gratitude;
And to sleep with a prayer for the beloved in your heart and a song of praise upon your lips.
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