[The Cloud]

I think I know why it was so hard for me to really feel my answers. I believe that I have linked "I can't win" with feeling. Feeling hurt is what separates me from people that can win. If you look at little grade-school kids, it's always the ones that react that get picked on. It's always the ones that show their feelings about being picked on, the ones that show how much it hurts. I was one of those kids. I was always the odd one out in my class (small school, so only 21 kids in my entire grade). In a class full of boys that liked shop and football, I was the kid who liked science and bugs. I just didn't fit in, and the fact that I wasn't aggressive or good at sports really put me at a disadvantage. So when I got picked on, I cried, which only made things worse. The more I felt, the more I showed what I felt, the more I got picked on. So perhaps that is where I decided that I couldn't win because I could feel. I get a really vague sense of a memory about making that decision, that feeling is what was making me lose, that feeling was why I couldn't fit in. Perhaps I decided that since I feel bad when I fail, I fail because I feel bad. Feeling is what keeps me from winning. That is what I believe my belief is.