Bruce,
I want to get back to the "doing what you love" problem.
I read Steve's "Find Your Purpose in 20 minutes" post three years ago, just
recently I've answered the question. Steve underestimates the degree of awareness you need to even answer the question. He leaves out a lot. This question remains the most popular question here, and of Steve as a result. I'd like to take a stab at it one day, when I have time to get around to reflecting and writing about it.
Figuring out my purpose, I created a schematic of myself and the universe, as they stood. My "context" (Steve's term). More importantly, I asked myself, what did I want myself, and the universe to
become.
Just developing my context killed off careers, activities, goals, and whole human endeavors I used to think were important. It was a growth process in itself. You have to delimiting your options.
How to create an accurate context is beyond this post. Even Steve never really explained how he did this.
Developing self-knowledge is the other part. It's hard to know when you know enough about yourself to make a decision. But it seems like you have some good self-knowledge.
I would look at these meta-level issues
before concerning myself about the practical stuff. And also work through those conflicting feelings (or/and thoughts?) pointed out by the others here.
If you were clearer on these issues, what short-term job to take would be an easier decision.
For example:
I want to be a philosopher on technology. I want to speak, write, learn new ideas, and meet people who care about what I do. But I'll need to move and get a job to sustain myself, as I pursue this.
Working at a bookstore, library, or a university, where I may have time to read, meet people, and get a discounts, would help me.
At least I can kill off my subgoals.
Or I could take jobs where I can benefit in other areas of personal development, like health. Why not a health food clinic or gym?
Also, after figuring out what you want to do, it becomes clearer where the best place to go to do it is.
Moving to a place where people care about the same things you do, is the next decision. When you move, you'll get to know people who will offer you related jobs, while you work on your main bit.
I hope I've addressed your concerns.
P.S. I applaud you, especially as a moderator, for sharing yourself like this. It's easy to forget with their authority, that they are "ones with problems" too.
