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counseling is good so that yo understand things in an intellectual manner, but it is so flat and not done from love.... which is one thing that keeps me from going back
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If you really believe that the counselling you received was not done from love, find a better counsellor. Better may be the wrong word objectively, but I mean better for you. Your counsellor or psychiatrist is your partner in working through these issues. You need to trust them, or they need to build your trust in them. I've not been to a "professional", so I have to go on accounts I have read and the little friends have told me.
The fact that you feel you are "hungry for a good high quality relationship" is slightly unsettling. I do understand the value of such a relationship, it is so liberating, and can fill you with much strength to face issues. But looking for the person that can help you deal with those issues... as it appears to me from your description of the two important women in your recent life... is unfair on the other person. You can not go into a relationship with the intention, however it is framed, of using it to deal with issues.
Even with the purest of intentions, there is only so much an untrained person can do to help with deep issues. When a counsellor/"shrink" sees you are in pain, they are trained to deal with it. When your S.O. sees you in pain, they will feel it too. When the professional wants to ask a colleague for advice on your case, they can do so with anonymity, detachment and a shared understanding. When you partner finds your issues too much, they have no easy place to turn without the likely feeling they are breaking some level of trust with you.
So in short, a quality relationship is an amazing thing. But don't use it to work through your issues. Gain strength from it, from the love and understanding, but do the work elsewhere.