As I read all this I am wondering whether you are a "people pleaser" and that is actually at the root of the problem. When you try to please others you will never know who you really are, as it changes like a mask depending upon who you are trying to please. If this does apply you might want to read this article I wrote on
People Pleasing There is also an article written about wearing masks - this article is focused on
Perfectionism
Have you tried writing a gratitude list about all the things in your life that you are thankful. Take it right back to basics and you begin to see all that you have. So for example you have electricity and water, kids, wife etc etc whatever you are grateful for.
What would happen if you did find out who you were? Would specific fears surface? If so explore where they come from. You might want to do this with a professional
Alison