Thanks for replying everyone.
I know university isn't especially important to success (although it often does help especially when you're trying to specialize). For example, my brother is also a college dropout and never did receive his high school diploma, and he works for a venture capital firm making a ridiculous amount of money for his age and education level. He's actually helping me out quite a bit in terms of staying afloat.
No, no 18K but relatively close.I do have 12,000 in student loans and 5,000 in credit card debt (sigh).
I'm not entirely sure what I want to do with my life. I often dream of leaving everything to become a hermit. The things I think I would like to become, like a teacher or therapist, require years of training and I'm not confident I will be able to last that long in school. My mind is foggy and I have been depressed for years and years. I have a deep seated distrust of anyone who claims to want to "help" me like doctors (and for good reason which I won't go into right now) so I do not see a therapist. Honestly, I haven't given therapy a chance and I know I should try, but my heart remains guarded. I don't ever speak to even my friends and family about my problems, except for those times when it becomes obvious through my inability to provide for myself.
I rely on self help and peer help from online sources as my only means of resolving conflicts within myself, and to try and figure out why I exist, why anything exists. I don't consider my problems to be particularly unique although they do often make me feel alone.
I fear that one day I will wake up on my deathbed, having done nothing of any consequence, always paralyzed by fear. I am torn between wanting to believe there is meaning to things and what my experience has taught me: That all is vain and meaningless. I have never met anyone personally who is willing to ask these questions of themselves, and so often have my thoughts been dismissed when shared that I gave up.
It's late, I'm going to go to bed before I write a book
