I think you are right about your outcome insight. Is your current outcome to get a girlfriend? Or to get a date, or have sex, or something like that? What would success look like?
It's difficult to not fix on an outcome, yes, but what if you were to adjust your desired outcome to something that is inspiring both to you and to the girl? What I mean is "getting a girlfriend/getting a date/having sex" is not necessarily going to be all that moving for a woman, and my guess is that the desire is somewhat stressful for you, too, right? How about inventing an outcome that has everyone winning, everyone inspired? Like maybe: creating connection, being generous listening, presence, or generating love in the conversation (I mean Big Love, not just sexual or romantic love.) Just take it one conversation at a time -- if you successfully create connection or presence in one conversation, then you triumph! Actually, I fondly remember many conversation in which men have done that. And the reason I'm with my current sweetheart, Danger Man, is that his purpose is To Capture Intimacy and he certainly accomplished that with me the first time we spoke.
Does that help at all?
|