Here's a general method for changing your personality.
- List all the personality traits you want to have
- Pick the one that is most important to you
- Find someone who has that personality trait and model them. Ideally, they should be somone you know but you can also model from videos, books etc. When modelling someone, you need to focus both on their internal world (beliefs, thought patterns etc.) and their external world (behaviors).
- Work on internalizing that personality trait for an extended period of time (3-6 months). During this time, you want to take on the behaviors of that personality trait as well as making your internal world congruent with that trait (this includes eliminating blocks, journaling etc.)
- Pick the next trait and repeat
For example, let`s say you want to learn to be funny. You could start studying humor by getting a few books, watching standup comedy and spending more time with your friends that are really funny. Now, once you have an intellectual understanding, you need to fully integrate the personality trait. This means trying to be funny (and failing repeatedly) in more situations. Often during this time you will overdo it and it won`t come off right because it is incongruent. As time passes, you will start to develop a more intuitive understanding of humor. Eventually, you will reach the point of unconsious competence where funny is not something you do but something you are.
The same process can be used for pretty much anything - confidence, assertiveness, empathy. The real keys are having a good model for the trait, continuous focus and committing to it for a long period of time.