[BlueCrane]

I think I finally get it.

Why does it take so long to sink in?

For years I have been trying to be a businessman. I always 'knew' I wanted to do something commercial and embarked on a career as a manager and then business-owner, with partners. I worked hard - and always had a hard time. It worked, but not the way I had wanted my life to be.

For the last 5 years I have been an independent freelance entrepreneur, initially doing what I had always done : jobs that others needed done, only now I write an invoice instead of collecting a salary at the end of the month. I still work, without the illusion of financial security.

Then my decision to move from South Africa back home to Europe : gradually I lost the jobs I was doing for my clients with a remote internet connection, one after the other.

Panic? No, but anxiety. The old has to go before the new can come in. I know that, right? Still, anxiety.

A lot of soul-searching gradually reveals that I never really wanted to be a businessman. Turns out that my true passions are personal growth, writing, publishing and the internet - I would continue to do these things, no matter whether I had a few millions in the bank or be dead broke; I have, through all these years of anxiety.

I translate famous quotes from English to German and vice versa for fun, can you believe that? And publish them on my websites? I write my own blog on personal growth in German and enjoy the feedback, scant as it is.

Right now I am starting a new project with a genius programmer next door that will enable everyone to have and easily manage his own professional website without any real internet-skills because we'll build them free of charge - something I have battled with on my own for years and now want everyone to enjoy.

All this is where my passion is, that's what I am doing more of every day and that's how I am creating a life for myself.

You're an eye-opener for me, Steve - have been for years : thanks, it's so good to have my own thinking confirmed by yourself and so many people in your forum.