The Cloud, this place is all about personal issues! You are being very open and courageous, and just by being honest and bold you are making a difference in people's lives. (Interestingly, I think it's your belief that "I am worthless" that has you even making that last apologetic remark -- you're right; it taints everything.)
You know, your beliefs about yourself don't come from your mother and stepfather. Their behavior, as abusive and ill-judged as it was, did not make you decide you are worthless. Your decisions about yourself come from you. Which is not to say anything is your fault. You were a little child, and it's perfectly in line with what a little child would do when faced with harsh treatment -- he decides it's his fault, he decides there is something wrong with himself, in order to be able to cope with the world. The decisions you made when you were a kid are thoughts in a child's head. And you have been being run by thoughts in that child's head ever since.
This is an important decision to make, because when you recognize that the decisions come from you, you see that you also have the power to make decisions about yourself that work better. You're perfectly free to continue believing the thoughts you had when you were five, and there is absolutely nothing wrong with doing so. But freedom comes when you see clearly what you've been doing -- believing in the ghost of old pain -- and seeing that it's not your only choice.
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