I think it's pretty difficult to instill and maintain change in your life if you're doing it way down on the "Doing" (behavior) level. I think it's more effective if you move up the scale from trying to change what you're doing to making changes in who you are being, and what you value.
On the one hand, you think you value financial or artistic success, and on the other hand, you also value the payoff you get from not having financial or artistic success. The latter may be less clear to you, but it's there, and it's keeping you stuck. You might want to look closely at what you're subconsciously committed to, because just seeing it clearly can free you of its power over you.
Even easier, I believe, is to change your way of being, which is another way of saying what Steve said -- being resigned and being failure are not really having the effect you want, are they? Being excited and committed might seem like too much of a leap from your current way of being, but if you can get yourself thinking thoughts that have you feeling a little better, you can get yourself into an upward spiral, and if you keep deliberately thinking thoughts that feel good when you think them, you can actually get yourself to excitement and joy. I recommend "The Astonishing Power of Emotions" which has some very practical advice for doing that.
And by the way, the Universe does care about you. I know, because I am the Universe, and I certainly care about you.
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