[John Freestone]

Originally Posted by cylon

I'm not as complicated as you're making me out to be. I'm actually not sure why the few posts I've made are setting you off so much. You've said plenty of personal stuff about me and I could have responded in anger, but I didn't. But you don't see that obviously.

No. I think I do to some extent. But I am shocked by the strength of my reaction to you. I have misunderstood some stuff from you, and I am sorry. Without intending to add any more criticism, I want to explain that I was genuine in what I said before about feeling that you were dodging the issues of the discussion. I do not want to make a complete list, but there have been several where, in the middle of a rational exchange about some aspect of LoA, I felt I had asked you to explain something (probably not that politely). For example, there was the time when you said that synchronicity was a coincidence that shocked you so much that you thought silly thoughts about it. I countered that surely that seemed a rather LoA-negative position, or that it was what I was saying - surely it is better to recognise an amazing coincidence for what it is and not reclassify it as something else and think silly thoughts about it. Another example is that you said something about LoA being magical, but not magical really, just seeming magical. It seemed that you kept engaging with the subject in a reasoning manner, and we made progress discussing it, then we'd hit one of these points and you seemed to just give trite answers or actually not answer the question at all. You responded to that first point (the silly thoughts one) I think with "I'll take that as a 'no'" and went on to post more coincidences. You also engaged in just talking to other people about me as if I wasn't there. I also felt that your reporting all the sparkly dolphins you'd come across was not without some sort of negative intention. I realise I may be being over-sensitive on these things, and certainly I have misunderstood at least one (you never wanted me to take anything more seriously, I see now).

I just want you to understand that, from my perspective, this felt infuriating. Sure, maybe I'm stuffy to you, and you wanted me to lighten up. (I have literally only now realised that your statement "Hey John, do you think you could take things a little more seriously please?" was ironic, even though you said you were being ironic later - I didn't know what you meant you were being ironic about at that point. Then you said you wanted me to lighten up, so I concluded that I couldn't really trust anything you said very much (I'll take that as a reminder that smileys are important if we want to avoid those misunderstandings). Putting these perceptions together, you gave me the impression that you were just playing the fool to annoy me. It is noticable that I have virtually no idea what sense you personally make of IM/LoA or SR after supposedly discussing it with you for weeks. Why? Well, it seems to me simply because you aren't that kind of person who makes sense of things. You aren't interested in whether it makes sense to think goofy thoughts about coincidences, or pin even yourself down as to whether there is or is not magic in the world. That is the only conclusion I can come to.

As we both agree, we can't make the other have a particular mode of participation, we're just different, but I can't quite get my head round Angela telling me that you are engaging. I feel that I have made quite a few jokes and flippant remarks, not been completely analytical all the time. I have also exposed a great deal about myself, my thoughts and difficulties with all of this, but I suppose I can't say that I have engaged in a trivial or lighthearted way, as perhaps you want me to. I can only say that I feel you might recognise the intention behind the OP, as the sharing of a serious concern, and notice that I and others are discussing those serious concerns, and have the common decency either to take part reasonably seriously or but out and play silly ****ers somewhere else.

Yet here you are trying to get me banned? Kicked out of the thread? Why?

What?! I have absolutely no idea what you're on about. I have not tried to get you banned or kicked out of the thread. I tried to give you some of your own medicine lately by talking to others about you. Perhaps you'd like to explain how you take that that way. You see, once again, your response is quite baffling to me: this seems like it might be paranoia, or it might be you playing up the role of victim. I don't know how to make better sense of it, since the idea of trying to get you banned never entered my head.

This forum is about intention manifestation, synkros. Your little insult about sparkly dolphins started a really fun and enjoyable deal with moonrambler and we're demonstrating, in real time, from our perspective, the subject of this section of the forum!

Yes. I accept that is a fair point, and if that is honestly what you were doing, then I can only say that I misinterpreted it as (sometimes, a somewhat) deliberate attempt to sideline a philosophical discussion. Someone raised a hell of a serious accusation - it is all Garbage! - and there is no reason you have to share your 'synkros' in this thread, when you have a whole section for it. Where else would someone hold a serious discussion about IM other than in the IM thread? Like I say, you have the right to share them anywhere, I just felt that you must be deliberately sabotaging criticism. To be completely honest, it will take some hard work to convince me otherwise: it would be a very natural reaction to criticism of our belief system to discuss where we feel we can, play the fool where we seem to have our backs against the wall.

<snip> That isn't me. I have real passion for this subject. I can't have a stuffy removed relationship with it. If you don't like it find the "cold, removed, detached, theoretical discussion forum about things that to some people inspire true passion and joy and they can't help but just have fun with it.com"

Ok. If you HAVE to share your passion on EVERY thread, including the ones probably most people would recognise as trying to address the philosophy behind IM - if your ego won't let others play a different game, a little more intellectual than yours - I'll go. To me, there is no need to feel uncomfortable or negative about 'detached, theoretical discussion'. I have been trying to inspire you with a new passion, if only you could see it, not trying to take anything away (except illusions, and I have ALWAYS been clear - repeated ad nauseam - that I am discussing, not making pronouncements of truth).

Anyway, I hope that helps you understand a bit more about why I've been so tetchy with you, and that it's not just because I'm a stuffed shirt who wants to lock people up who have any alternative beliefs. Have a happy life.