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Tigerlilly · 07-18-2008, 11:47 AM

Okay, this is my first thread asking for advice but I really don't know what to do and my intuition is giving me confusing input, and I'm totally at sea. And sorry if I have to vent a bit and that it'll turn out a longer post.

So, I met this guy six days ago, on parting we agreed to get together some time, no specific time, place or anything. Next day he mails me, asks me how I got home. I see his mail at my lunch break the day after and answer, got home well, you know. Following day I'm away all day, so the day after in the morning I learn that he left me a telephone message the evening before, and think okay, I'll call him back after work. Then I check my mail box in my lunch break and find out that he mailed me the day before -when I was away- in the morning, then called in the evening and then mailed me once more that very morning, saying, if I'm not interested in talking on the phone or doing something I could tell him, it'd be okay. And I think, what on earth???

So I mail back and find myself forced to explain what I've been up to all week, and justifying myself that if it hadn't been for the mail then I'd have called back in the evening, as in anyhow( admittedly I'm really pretty laid back which can turn into being a lazy bum, so I often run around with a bad conscience and feel the need to justify myself that way). Feeling forced to do that has me annoyed still, and I tell him that I usually see getting to know people in a pretty relaxed way, and that his mail has me think we might both be in for some frustration if he saw it differently and how does he see it? And I get a mail back on the spot that he sees it pretty relaxed as well, and that he hadn't known of course why I hadn't called or mailed back, and that he's sorry that now cause of his mail I won't call him in the evening. And I feel once more like, what on earth???

So now I've got a bad conscience cause he seemed a nice fellow and he looks hurt and I don't want people to feel worse for crossing my path and I'm just bewildered and curious to find out exactly what goes on in his mind, so I call him back in the evening, though it costs me some effort. And we talk and he does seem like a nice guy, but on the whole we just seem to live in totally different worlds plus he tells me that he was well aware of what I'd meant by telling him that I'd called back in the evening anyway as opposed to "now I won't call cause of your mail" but felt like bitching a bit. And I think, oh that's sweet, still in an odd way it's a comfort, so we agree that we do something spontaneously and that I'd call him next day in the evening -since it's weekend- if I got time and feel like it after a previous engagement, and we'd then go for a drink or whatever.

And after I hang up my first thought is, this can't work, we've got zilch in common, apart from the fact that he seems a decent fellow( but then who doesn't really?) and this morning I wake up feeling, okay, save both of you a lot of frustration and call it quits. But then I think we don't know anything of each other at all yet, it's too early to make any kind of decision, you've got to give people a chance, and he seems a decent guy. So being confused I inquire into my intuition via cards, and those tell me to give it a chance as well. And inside I grumble about it, but think okay, let's be open-minded and give it a chance. Then I check my mails and find another one from him wishing me a good morning.

I know this it totally sweet, but that only serves to make me feel worse for banging my head on my desk. For me this is like history revisited with the shadow of another needy guy driving me up the tree looming in the back of my mind. I mean, I do like this guy from what I've seen so far though we really don't seem to have much in common, I try to be open-minded and really, I wouldn't mind getting to know him, but I'm not red hot on getting to know him, like being in head over heels. And I just get this driven feel about him, though he says it's not so. And I don't know whether it's me being in the wrong or having past issues with neediness interfering with my judgement, and like this is the thing to go about it, or whether I'm being my laid back lazy bum self, or whether we're just not on the same wave length or whatever.

I'd really love to do the right thing, but admittedly I feel off center and simply confused. So, any advice or insight would be greatly appreciated.

07-18-2008, 11:47 AM	#1 (permalink)
Tigerlilly Senior Member Join Date: Sep 2007 Posts: 257	What to do? Okay, this is my first thread asking for advice but I really don't know what to do and my intuition is giving me confusing input, and I'm totally at sea. And sorry if I have to vent a bit and that it'll turn out a longer post. So, I met this guy six days ago, on parting we agreed to get together some time, no specific time, place or anything. Next day he mails me, asks me how I got home. I see his mail at my lunch break the day after and answer, got home well, you know. Following day I'm away all day, so the day after in the morning I learn that he left me a telephone message the evening before, and think okay, I'll call him back after work. Then I check my mail box in my lunch break and find out that he mailed me the day before -when I was away- in the morning, then called in the evening and then mailed me once more that very morning, saying, if I'm not interested in talking on the phone or doing something I could tell him, it'd be okay. And I think, what on earth??? So I mail back and find myself forced to explain what I've been up to all week, and justifying myself that if it hadn't been for the mail then I'd have called back in the evening, as in anyhow( admittedly I'm really pretty laid back which can turn into being a lazy bum, so I often run around with a bad conscience and feel the need to justify myself that way). Feeling forced to do that has me annoyed still, and I tell him that I usually see getting to know people in a pretty relaxed way, and that his mail has me think we might both be in for some frustration if he saw it differently and how does he see it? And I get a mail back on the spot that he sees it pretty relaxed as well, and that he hadn't known of course why I hadn't called or mailed back, and that he's sorry that now cause of his mail I won't call him in the evening. And I feel once more like, what on earth??? So now I've got a bad conscience cause he seemed a nice fellow and he looks hurt and I don't want people to feel worse for crossing my path and I'm just bewildered and curious to find out exactly what goes on in his mind, so I call him back in the evening, though it costs me some effort. And we talk and he does seem like a nice guy, but on the whole we just seem to live in totally different worlds plus he tells me that he was well aware of what I'd meant by telling him that I'd called back in the evening anyway as opposed to "now I won't call cause of your mail" but felt like bitching a bit. And I think, oh that's sweet, still in an odd way it's a comfort, so we agree that we do something spontaneously and that I'd call him next day in the evening -since it's weekend- if I got time and feel like it after a previous engagement, and we'd then go for a drink or whatever. And after I hang up my first thought is, this can't work, we've got zilch in common, apart from the fact that he seems a decent fellow( but then who doesn't really?) and this morning I wake up feeling, okay, save both of you a lot of frustration and call it quits. But then I think we don't know anything of each other at all yet, it's too early to make any kind of decision, you've got to give people a chance, and he seems a decent guy. So being confused I inquire into my intuition via cards, and those tell me to give it a chance as well. And inside I grumble about it, but think okay, let's be open-minded and give it a chance. Then I check my mails and find another one from him wishing me a good morning. I know this it totally sweet, but that only serves to make me feel worse for banging my head on my desk. For me this is like history revisited with the shadow of another needy guy driving me up the tree looming in the back of my mind. I mean, I do like this guy from what I've seen so far though we really don't seem to have much in common, I try to be open-minded and really, I wouldn't mind getting to know him, but I'm not red hot on getting to know him, like being in head over heels. And I just get this driven feel about him, though he says it's not so. And I don't know whether it's me being in the wrong or having past issues with neediness interfering with my judgement, and like this is the thing to go about it, or whether I'm being my laid back lazy bum self, or whether we're just not on the same wave length or whatever. I'd really love to do the right thing, but admittedly I feel off center and simply confused. So, any advice or insight would be greatly appreciated.