Hi, i just had to write something about it, all what you say really affected me, it makes me mad this people who use the name of god to do things contrary to god, hurting themselves and other people, making the life on so many people a living hell (Jesus will judge them/us according to their/our deeds), im a sincere christian, and i wish i could help you, i live in Argentina so i cant say much, i just can say to you that you must not feel desperate, you allways can count on jesus and i dont think that there is a better time for you than now to call him for help, that is, if you belive in him (even just a little), in the bible says that anything you ask Jesus then he will do it, it also says that he cant give you a rock if you ask him for bread, he will give you what you desire just if you ask him and seek him...
Good luck, god bless.
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