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ruby9c · 07-16-2008, 08:57 PM

I’m hoping someone on this forum has experience dealing with difficult in-laws and can give me some good advice with my situation.

Brief background - My fiancé and I have been together for 5 years. 3 years ago, his parents told me I was no longer welcome in their home and that they wanted nothing more to do with me. I was devastated because the reason they gave for this excommunication was that I am to quite for their liking. My fiancé and I dealt with the situation and gradually his parents began to invite me over for picnics or short shopping trips. I made sure to keep myself available for a repair of our relationship, but they still aren’t willing to get to know me or work on building a relationship. As a result, I don’t have a relationship with his parents and it’s put a strain on me and my fiancé.

Fast forward to today, we are getting married in October. After his parents realized they couldn’t talk us out of getting married, they started to come around to the idea and act excited for us. They told us that as their gift, they would pay for our rehearsal dinner.

That’s a nice gesture, but the reality has been nothing but a struggle. We sat down to discuss a location for the dinner and his father lost his temper and stormed out of the room before we could decide on a time, let a lone a place for the dinner. His mom promised to talk with us about the dinner at a later date and the 3 of us would plan the dinner. That didn’t happen. His parents picked a time, menu and location without asking us for our input at all. That wouldn’t be so bad, except it’s nothing like what either of us wants.

They chose a restaurant 32 miles from our ceremony site and not convenient for most of our wedding party. It’s late at night and I’m afraid the kids in our wedding will be cranky for the ceremony the next day because they won’t get home until after 10pm if they come to the dinner, but I think it’s rude not to invite them because they are family.

His parents are unwilling to change the location or time of the rehearsal dinner and my fiancé and I are struggling with what to do. We start counseling next week to get a neutral opinion on how to handle this situation, but I’m very fearful of the future now.

His family has not been supportive of our relationship and I think they are making it clear they do not intend to make it easy for us.

Does anyone have any strategies that work for dealing with difficult in-laws that could help me maybe work on my relationship with his parents? Maybe it’s a lost cause. I know his family is dysfunctional and they can’t have a conversation without fighting or yelling. I’m just not use to that kind of a reaction from family.

Thanks for taking the time to read my post! Please help if you can.

07-16-2008, 08:57 PM	#1 (permalink)
ruby9c Junior Member Join Date: Jul 2008 Posts: 4	Future inlaws.....anyone have advise? I’m hoping someone on this forum has experience dealing with difficult in-laws and can give me some good advice with my situation. Brief background - My fiancé and I have been together for 5 years. 3 years ago, his parents told me I was no longer welcome in their home and that they wanted nothing more to do with me. I was devastated because the reason they gave for this excommunication was that I am to quite for their liking. My fiancé and I dealt with the situation and gradually his parents began to invite me over for picnics or short shopping trips. I made sure to keep myself available for a repair of our relationship, but they still aren’t willing to get to know me or work on building a relationship. As a result, I don’t have a relationship with his parents and it’s put a strain on me and my fiancé. Fast forward to today, we are getting married in October. After his parents realized they couldn’t talk us out of getting married, they started to come around to the idea and act excited for us. They told us that as their gift, they would pay for our rehearsal dinner. That’s a nice gesture, but the reality has been nothing but a struggle. We sat down to discuss a location for the dinner and his father lost his temper and stormed out of the room before we could decide on a time, let a lone a place for the dinner. His mom promised to talk with us about the dinner at a later date and the 3 of us would plan the dinner. That didn’t happen. His parents picked a time, menu and location without asking us for our input at all. That wouldn’t be so bad, except it’s nothing like what either of us wants. They chose a restaurant 32 miles from our ceremony site and not convenient for most of our wedding party. It’s late at night and I’m afraid the kids in our wedding will be cranky for the ceremony the next day because they won’t get home until after 10pm if they come to the dinner, but I think it’s rude not to invite them because they are family. His parents are unwilling to change the location or time of the rehearsal dinner and my fiancé and I are struggling with what to do. We start counseling next week to get a neutral opinion on how to handle this situation, but I’m very fearful of the future now. His family has not been supportive of our relationship and I think they are making it clear they do not intend to make it easy for us. Does anyone have any strategies that work for dealing with difficult in-laws that could help me maybe work on my relationship with his parents? Maybe it’s a lost cause. I know his family is dysfunctional and they can’t have a conversation without fighting or yelling. I’m just not use to that kind of a reaction from family. Thanks for taking the time to read my post! Please help if you can.