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Originally Posted by 5IROB  Just being able to have a fun interaction with the checkout girl at the supermarket, the bank teller, some weird-looking guy on the bus, an 80 year old woman at the park, is a skill I want to have and will accomplish by pushing past my fears and trying to start a conversation with anyone I come into contact with throughout my day. |
Yeah, speaking as a former shy fellow myself, you're spot on: this is a skill that makes daily life so much more enjoyable. It just takes practice to develop, as with any skill. Start easy. Start with "hired guns" -- bartenders, servers, bank tellers... basically any service people that are paid to interact with you. They chat with people all day and can easily help carry the conversation. Move up to strangers in the checkout line, people next to you at the bar, etc. Work your way up. People are fun!
This may be something for later, as it took me a WHILE before I got to this point, but I wanted to share: I take the frame that I'm going to try to make every person I interact with that day feel a little better about themselves. Everybody. From the fast food cashier I'll never see again to my boss who I see almost daily. It's not about me, it's about them. But, being a Nice Guy at heart, it makes me feel really good about myself, because I'm putting real smiles on a lot of faces, turning people's bad days into good ones. (It's gotta be genuine, though, or you'll come across as condescending and get a negative reaction. Also, attractive women will often assume you're just trying to get into their pants, so I generally change things up and "mess with" them in a playful way -- try to get them to verbally "spar" with me.) I couple this overt "niceness" with alpha body-language, subcommunicating that I'm strong on the inside, that the kindness is FOR THEM, not just to get people to like me.
(I've noticed that most people do the opposite: they go through the day trying to feel better about THEMSELVES, often by hacking on other people, stealing others' self-esteem to add to their own, or by bragging/promoting themselves, looking for validation from other people. When you let this behavior go, you're subcommunicating that "My self-esteem is already at '10'. I don't need to steal yours." Conversely, in general, the more a person insults others or promotes themselves, the lower their own self-esteem actually is.)
There's a lot more to it, but it's basically: Stop defending or promoting your own self-esteem and start building other people's. I hope that makes sense, cuz it's a pretty abstract concept. Anyhow, I've been doing this consciously for two months or so, and the results have been very positive.