[5IROB]

i wish i could disagree with that statement. so tonight i met up with some of my best friend's friends his work that were at a friend's house party a few nights ago. anyways we're just sitting in a room and everyone's just chilling and bantering random nonsense. i felt stifled as hell, i couldn't think of anything to add to the conversation. i then started to rationalize inside my head that they're just talking about random stuff that isn't of any importance so there's no point in talking. which I know is ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ because when i'm drunk i'm a "free-flowing waterfall" . i dont run out of things to say and i am bringing the party to the social interaction.


you know how when people describe a person when they're drunk as "he/she is more aggressive/outgoing/happy", etc. people would probably say I'm a completely different person. i go from an extremely shy introvert to an extrovert.

I just don't know how to get into a drunk-like outgoing state when I'm sober.

The thing is, I just began drinking socially this year and before that I just assumed I'm a shy person and that's just the way I am genetically. However when I actually started drinking I realized it's really not the way I am and I should be outgoing and fun all the time. Those two qualities should be part of my core personality.

Anyway I think I have enough leverage on myself to stop reading self-help and actually take action and do something. . Tomorrow I will go to the mall and start my journey by saying "hello, how are you" to 20 different people to desensitize myself from social pressure and learn social skills. right now I am not really concerned about getting a girlfriend, just getting the social skills so I can feel comfortable in all social situations.