Quote:
If only it was that easy, I would have done it 7 years ago...
This is one struggle that I wouldn't wish on my worst enemy.
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Well, it may not be easy, but it's simple -- as simple as choosing.
That you haven't yet chosen doesn't mean you must struggle, and that you must treat yourself worse than you would treat your worst enemy. And it doesn't mean you must choose, either. It doesn't mean anything, really, except what you are making it mean.
Just like everybody, you're afraid of the consequences of making a choice, so you avoid choosing (which is itself a choice!) and the consequences of that are at least as uncomfortable as what you would endure if you were to either be boldly honest or remain in the closet as a choice. Where you are is in a state of resistance, so your discomfort clings to you like a cat you're allergic to. What might be possible if you were to surrender? To accept without judgement the truth of the situation, who you are, what you're doing, the impact you're having on yourself and others? What next right action might arise?
You know, you ARE different from your brother, who tormented you all your life. Not because of your sexual orientation, but because you are committed to being love, freedom, and support, even though it may be difficult. Accepting that difference would be a loss? Ich don't theenk so. Acknowledging that you are up to love, freedom, and support, rather than pain and destruction -- that would be a
triumph, wouldn't it?