Personal Development for Smart People Forums - View Single Post

moriez · 07-15-2008, 10:54 AM

Hi all,

I hope you can take your time to advice me on an issue I have been struggling with for a long time. I will try to describe it as complete as possible. After several experiences Ive come to the conclusion that I have major difficulties in certain social sitiuations. I really feel the need to do something about it as it would make me feel more alive and less bagaged. Two major things:

1) In groups of people I darent speak freely unless someone asks me something. Im afraid of pulling attention to me. Afraid that Im not good or smart enough and might get disapproved of. Afraid to say or do something that perhaps deviates from the groups standards. While being in a group I think a lot about all this and get even more introverted making it a suffocating experience. I cannot even think of something to say because my mind is so clouded. I find myself in the background, small, not me, listening a bit, thinking a bit but not really taking part with an open mind which I would like. I have to say that Im also quite clouded when I am just with one person but to a much lesser extend. I guess towards "only" one person I look less of a fool and cant fall as deep as I could in front of a group.

2) I really, really cannot stand it when someone tells me to do something. The problem is especially in work situations where a (more experienced) co-worker or a supervisor tells me to do something. Immediately my first thought is to tell that person to **** off. It just remains a thought and I do it anyway but there I go: I get annoyed with them but keep it to myself, tiring myself and once again going down with a clouded mind making the day much harder. It has a lot to do with how someone tells or asks me to do something. I want to hear a "please" or "could you" but Im afraid that I will get heat for saying that (as I already experienced). The work relation then gets worse which I in turn cant live with. Eventually I spiral down into me wanting to leave the job.

Both situations I either avoid or run away from. I know I would just be much better off and a completer person if I could deal with it in a good way. Im thinking of doing a course, maybe in assertiveness. I cannot get any closer to the main problem than it being one related to assertivity.

Guys, fire up some suggestions please and thanks for reading.

07-15-2008, 10:54 AM	#1 (permalink)
moriez Senior Member Join Date: May 2008 Posts: 100	My returning social issues.. Hi all, I hope you can take your time to advice me on an issue I have been struggling with for a long time. I will try to describe it as complete as possible. After several experiences Ive come to the conclusion that I have major difficulties in certain social sitiuations. I really feel the need to do something about it as it would make me feel more alive and less bagaged. Two major things: 1) In groups of people I darent speak freely unless someone asks me something. Im afraid of pulling attention to me. Afraid that Im not good or smart enough and might get disapproved of. Afraid to say or do something that perhaps deviates from the groups standards. While being in a group I think a lot about all this and get even more introverted making it a suffocating experience. I cannot even think of something to say because my mind is so clouded. I find myself in the background, small, not me, listening a bit, thinking a bit but not really taking part with an open mind which I would like. I have to say that Im also quite clouded when I am just with one person but to a much lesser extend. I guess towards "only" one person I look less of a fool and cant fall as deep as I could in front of a group. 2) I really, really cannot stand it when someone tells me to do something. The problem is especially in work situations where a (more experienced) co-worker or a supervisor tells me to do something. Immediately my first thought is to tell that person to **** off. It just remains a thought and I do it anyway but there I go: I get annoyed with them but keep it to myself, tiring myself and once again going down with a clouded mind making the day much harder. It has a lot to do with how someone tells or asks me to do something. I want to hear a "please" or "could you" but Im afraid that I will get heat for saying that (as I already experienced). The work relation then gets worse which I in turn cant live with. Eventually I spiral down into me wanting to leave the job. Both situations I either avoid or run away from. I know I would just be much better off and a completer person if I could deal with it in a good way. Im thinking of doing a course, maybe in assertiveness. I cannot get any closer to the main problem than it being one related to assertivity. Guys, fire up some suggestions please and thanks for reading. Last edited by moriez; 07-16-2008 at 10:23 AM.