I moved into a friend's house in Nov 2005, thinking that I would be able to settle here and make a home for myself for at least a good two years. They wanted a roommate, and I needed someplace to go to heal from some traumatic incidences at an old job.
I love my home. Really, really love it. It's one side of a two family house. My friend's family, consisting of him mother, father, and younger brother, live on the other side. The house is in a really wealthy neighborhood, where we don't even have to lock our doors, and I'm located literally two minutes from a Whole Foods, 6 minute walk to the train, and 10 min to a wonderful, sweet little downtown area.
I met his mother, and got a weird feeling from her. My best friend, who had set up this whole arrangement, thought the world of this woman. She's a fundamentalist Christian, but is fun to be around, and seemed very open and honest. But something
still didn't feel right.
It turns out that my fears were well-founded. This family is a horrible, terrible nest of anger, betrayal, and emotional drama. Unknown to me, she'd been doing and saying awful things to my roommate, trying to get me forced out, while looking me in my face and acting like she liked me...and even SIDED with me. My roommate was turning mean and sullen, and I didn't know why. He always yelled and snapped at his mother, and she seemed to always be after money from him. Because of her browbeating, he's grown up very passive-agressive, and he'd do and say things that would make no sense.
Well, it turns out that there's a whole bunch of ways that this woman has screwed with his money, and him. While I thought that he was turning hateful, it so happened that he was trying to keep me in the house (I'm an extremely good tenant who is very clean, quiet, and paid my rent in full, a tidy sum, for the final 5 months of the year! I did this in order to, ahem, be secure
), and was feeling like I was being ungrateful. Of course I was...I had no idea any of this drama was happening!
So, now I have to move by the middle of January, because he's sick of his mother and her antics and is going to move himself. He's taking his younger brother with him, hopefully, because he doesn't want him in this environment.
But, heh, here lies the rub...I've been looking for work. I took a year off to recover from the work stuff, got a settlement, and saved some of it. Not as much as I'd like, though, because I paid things off with it. No matter how many resumes I send out, though, and how menial the job, I'm not getting them. And I have an excellent CV, and an excellent skill set. The NYC job market is just that insane. I've even had interviews, but just didn't get the jobs. I've tried to get club dancing gigs, and those aren't even coming through. Now, my money is almost gone. I think I'll have enough for a deposit, but I'm really worried and sick over the things that I've found out over the past week, and am getting a bit panicky. I'm hoping I don't end up in a shelter. I'm honestly contemplating becoming an escort or a webcam girl, because I'm so desperate. I don't know how I'll rent an apartment without a real job (which I don't want, because I've been assaulted, sexually harrassed multiple times...yeah, no good), and I can't get hired.
I believe that this is Spirit telling me that, hey, you're not supposed to be walking the path of being a normal 9 to 5er, and you need to strike out on your own, using your skills to survive. That's all well and good, but I don't want to be homeless! I have no one I can move in with; I can't go back home, because my sister is emotionally abusive, and I'm just...
I could really use some support, advice, anything. Please. I wonder why Spirit has presented me with this!