Personal Development for Smart People Forums - View Single Post - limiting beliefs arising from lack of romantic/sexual experience

MaxLight · 07-14-2008, 02:57 AM

Hey cheech
I used to have exactly the same ideas and be in such a similar situation to you. I lost my virginity at 23. I had this really good one-to-one with a self-help guy that lasted about 1 min, I told him in such heavy tones that I really wanted a good relationship but had no confidence with women and was otherwise successful or at least content. His first question, "have you had sex". To which i said no, and then he said "well you just need to do it then." He said you're afraid, you're making excuses, and whatever way he said it, I "got" it. I promised myself right then and there I'd have sex, I saw that I was actually scared of it.

He also made me get up in front of everybody and tell them all that I was a virgin and I was ashamed of it. Nobody laughed, it wasn't a big thing to anybody but me. One guy, who I had thought was cool, came up to me and said he didn't have sex until he was 35. Loads of people came up afterwards and said I had placed too much importance on having sex and people didn't judge me for it.

After the course, within a week I had asked out a girl I fancied for 7 months but was too scared to ask out and we, later, had sex, it was pefectly natural and I never felt stressed.

My advice to you then is to tell yourself honestly that you want to have sex and realise that you very likely will with any girl you go out with. Also understand that it's not a big deal to be a virgin and 23 it really isn't. Also the fact that you are unsure of yourself now does not mean you wont be a good lover, I found that whilst I was unsure and unconfident approaching women I was much more at ease and playful having sex.

The second thing I would suggest is for you to honestly sit down and think about and "feel" or "get" that you really are a person worth going out with. Actually think how loving or cool you are, how much awesome sexual energy you have to give. So when you approach girls bare in mind that you have a lot to offer her. This isn't the same as being arrogant of course, it's realising on an intuitive level that you have value to give.

A lot of good replies on this.

07-14-2008, 02:57 AM	#10 (permalink)
MaxLight Junior Member Join Date: Jul 2008 Location: Ireland Posts: 13	Hey cheech I used to have exactly the same ideas and be in such a similar situation to you. I lost my virginity at 23. I had this really good one-to-one with a self-help guy that lasted about 1 min, I told him in such heavy tones that I really wanted a good relationship but had no confidence with women and was otherwise successful or at least content. His first question, "have you had sex". To which i said no, and then he said "well you just need to do it then." He said you're afraid, you're making excuses, and whatever way he said it, I "got" it. I promised myself right then and there I'd have sex, I saw that I was actually scared of it. He also made me get up in front of everybody and tell them all that I was a virgin and I was ashamed of it. Nobody laughed, it wasn't a big thing to anybody but me. One guy, who I had thought was cool, came up to me and said he didn't have sex until he was 35. Loads of people came up afterwards and said I had placed too much importance on having sex and people didn't judge me for it. After the course, within a week I had asked out a girl I fancied for 7 months but was too scared to ask out and we, later, had sex, it was pefectly natural and I never felt stressed. My advice to you then is to tell yourself honestly that you want to have sex and realise that you very likely will with any girl you go out with. Also understand that it's not a big deal to be a virgin and 23 it really isn't. Also the fact that you are unsure of yourself now does not mean you wont be a good lover, I found that whilst I was unsure and unconfident approaching women I was much more at ease and playful having sex. The second thing I would suggest is for you to honestly sit down and think about and "feel" or "get" that you really are a person worth going out with. Actually think how loving or cool you are, how much awesome sexual energy you have to give. So when you approach girls bare in mind that you have a lot to offer her. This isn't the same as being arrogant of course, it's realising on an intuitive level that you have value to give. A lot of good replies on this.