[m18pak]

Lightthecandle, can I ask just what exactly you've actually specifically done to try and change?

Look, I don't know enough about you and your situation to really offer any useful advice or help. What I would suggest is that you try to find an answer to your problems yourself, since you're the one living your life and going through all the problems.

I don't know if you believe in God or a Higher Intelligence or whatever; if you just believe in intuition then that's enough. Ask for a higher understanding of the situation; quiet your mind and ask to see what you're not seeing. The whole process is almost a little like praying. Relax and try to quiet your mind, and then sincerely ask for a higher understanding, the understanding that will set you free.

I don't know if that made sense to you or not, but feel free to PM me if you want to go into more detail.

Having said all that I do have to concur with Angela and ask: are you sure you're really willing to help yourself? to change and to let go of your past?