Quote:
Originally Posted by thef0x  I love him as a brother but he weighs me down.
I want him to act for himself and he can't. I cannot tell him how to act and feel. I feel lost in trying to help him. |
I've been in a similar situation. When both you and he feel like you're his lifeline, you both start drowning. If he's taken the steps to see someone & is taking his meds daily, it looks like he is able to make some choices.
It doesn't have to be and either/or situation where you either have contact with your friend or don't. Whether you see him daily or none at all, you need to distance yourself mentally/emotionally from the situation You can express your concern & support, but also limit contact. Just be clear about why, without criticizing him (eg you don't feel like you're equipped to help; you feel like you're hurting him by being a crutch; you're in a tough spot yourself; it's helps to have support from a 3rd party like a counselor etc).
Obviously this is harder to do than write. In my case, we eventually set set it up so that I either call or meet my friend once a week at the same time. This way, he knows I care, doesn't feel abandoned, & is working on himself without needing my constant input. The beginning was rough, and there was a lot of guilting (even suicide threats, which he now realizes were manipulative and abusive), but it's now working out for both sides. I enjoy his company now, which was unexpected given where we started. If it didn't work, it would've been easier for me to taper off the interactions rather than severing ties to start with, which would have left me feeling guilty and him hopeless/helpless/abandoned.
You've mentioned that you feel he's pathetic and of no value to you, but also that you love him like a brother. Having strong, but conflicting emotions about a person makes it very hard to act either way, so whatever you do will be hard (at least at first).
These articles about helping stubborn or negative people may be helpful:
http://www.stevepavlina.com/blog/200...gative-people/ http://www.stevepavlina.com/blog/200...ubborn-people/