A couple things jumped out at me while reading through this thread.
First, has the frequency with which you have sex changed? Did you have sex 3 times a week earlier in the relationship and only recently she has started being less interested? Or has this always been the pattern? This is an important piece of the puzzle. If her sex drive has declined recently, then this seems to indicate that something has changed, and that change has caused the two of you to be out of sync with your sexual needs. If this has been the pattern for your entire relationship it seems that you have always had different sexual needs.
Secondly, I have been in similar situations before and think I recognize a pattern. You have received advice to try "warming her up" before initiating sex (or without sex even being on the agenda). This is good advice, but I see where it could be a problem in your situation. Lets say that you have sex on day 1, then on day 2 you try to initiate again and are turned down. Then on day 3 you try warming her up, she seems to enjoy it but it doesn't lead to sex. So on day 4 you try initiating sex again and she turns you down. So on day 5 you try warming her up again, then try initiating sex and she turns you down again (likely making a comment about how you were doing those things just to get sex). So in this scenario, not only have you been 4 days without sex, but have gone through the extra effort on two of those days with no results. I can see where this rejection would feel even worse, and where it could lead to some resentment. I can also see where the attempts at warming her up will be short lived if you start to feel that they are just a waste of time. This is a tricky situation, because she might be enjoying the attention, and see you stopping that as a punishment for her not giving you sex. Whereas you may see it as her not being appreciative, and it just being a waste of your time.
I don't think that following this advice is a waste of time, and there is a good chance that it may work. Just wanted to put out a disclaimer that I can see the potential for it backfiring and complicating the issue.
I agree very strongly with what others have said. It sounds as though there is some larger issue that needs to be resolved. Perhaps if you could talk with her outside of the context of sex. Explain that you know something is wrong, because her sex drive has decreased. Explain that you are not brining it up because you want sex, rather because you love her and want to help resolve any issues that are having a negative affect on her.
This situation sounds to me like a downward spiral. This can't be good for your relationship, and if something doesn't change I suspect it will get worse. I don't think your expectations are out of line. If your needs continue to go unfulfilled I suspect you may either find a way to fulfill those needs in some other way, or will at the very least be resentful and miserable. On the flip side, if she were to be convinced to give you sex more often she would likely feel resentful of feeling forced to do it, and this might create even less of a sexual desire than she has at the moment. I think the solution to this starts with communication. The two of you are obviously coming at this from totally different angles, and I suspect that neither fully understands the position of the other. Until you can get her to sit down and talk this through with you I think it will be difficult to solve.
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