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Originally Posted by Angela  So, how have things been going for you since that call? How was the drum circle? How does it feel to practice Being an Animator and a Conductor and letting go of "I am not here"? Have you had any breakdowns yet? Any triumphs? |
No breakdowns. I invited
Amy Steinberg to my home after her concert here this coming Sunday, and she accepted! I would never had dared do that before. Not only am I here, I have a house!
Since then, she found out her home that she had subletted is vacant, so will be going home right after her show - but the possibility! I was going to have a goddess in my house!! (Do you know Amy Steinberg? CHECK HER OUT! Amazing singer/songwriter. Listen to "exactly" on
her myspace.) It felt scary, but really great.
The drum circle was amazing! I did not get in the middle - yet! - but I was much more vocal and... conducting. Rather than just riding the wave, I was leading it at times. True facilitation requires a balance of those.
I got on the phone to try to find grant money to go to
Hawaii! Seemingly impossible, since it's in <s>two months</s> one month (yipes!), but I know the money is out there, and I know I can find the magic key to get it. Normally, something like calling about that would be an idea, and I'd lie down until the feeling to go for it passed, but I got on the phone! (Any ideas? Let me know!) And I got other people, some of whom had never even heard of drum circles, enthused about drumming! With my name and number, should they ever desire to do any team-building kinds of things in the future.
I have had moments of disappearing, and just... hiding, somewhat. But I do catch it now, take a deep breath, and make sure I'm all here!
My intuition has been buz-zing, and at the grocery store, when I saw a particular young man, my hands felt the "reiki pull". Rather than slinking away, wishing I dared offer reiki -- I offered it! And as soon as my hands were on him, I felt the energy just flowing. He and his mother stood there in awe afterwards - it really affected him!
I am. I am here.
Oh, yeah - one other thing I realized in our conversation was that up to now, when I gave people reiki, I would say, I'm *just* a conduit, that it required that *I* get out of the way to let the energy flow. Well, that's bulls**t! You can't have that kind of energy flowing through you, and not have part of you flow with it! It's physically impossible, and that's how it's supposed to be! I am supposed to share myself with whomever I'm interacting with. I can claim that now.