Well, once you invented the possibility for yourself of being an Animator, you made me laugh so much! You said you that if you were to let go of the belief that "I am not here" you would be a guerrila life artist and I pictured you as Magilla Guerilla, your photo on people's t-shirts with a little Che Guevara hat on your head and a little goatee, monkeying around. You said, an Animator! Like Mel Blanc! and I heard "Mel Blank" -- like, you would be a blank slate, able to "draw" anything and everything -- no limits.
I think it took a ton of courage for you to do this work, not least because you were really believing "I am not here" and "You can't help me." It's really difficult to be present and available for assistance when you are believing those thoughts!
You said one thing that really surprised both of us: "I don't have relationships with other people. I just don't do this." -- that really shut us both up, I think because you realized that what you want and what you're committed to are two conflicting things. It's hard to go anywhere when you've got one foot on the accelerator and the other pressing down the brake, isn't it?
One thing that was really funny was that I often thought our connection had dropped -- "Hello, hello! Are you there?" I kept saying. I didn't realize that you were being "I am not here."
So, how have things been going for you since that call? How was the drum circle? How does it feel to practice Being an Animator and a Conductor and letting go of "I am not here"? Have you had any breakdowns yet? Any triumphs?