For me, the best warm-up starts long before physical contact. Just sudden startling contact, like pinching my butt, is a huge turn-off for me -- pinching or going straight for an erogenous zone is different from a passing caress or kiss, though. You might want to try heating her up psychologically, by making her feel very desired without making a demand for sex. Make a phone call, leave her a note, take her out on an ultra-romantic date, the aim of which is to let her know that you find her totally sexy and you feel like the luckiest man in the world to be married to her. Sometimes the biggest turn-on for a woman is feeling desired and desirable, and strangely, just making an overture for sex does not provide that feeling. Funny, huh? It probably would for a man, right? But a woman loves to hear the words, and to receive the gestures, and to really feel her man's desire (not mere lust, but desire) for her, and that can really get her juices flowing.
You might want to suggest a night of high-school style play -- that is, make out with a rule of no penetration of any kind. See how hot you can get each other, and have fun teasing her -- you get to be the powerful partner this time, because in high school the girl got to decide how far to go, but this time YOU have set the rules -- you are in charge.
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