Thanks everyone for your comments. I've tried talking about this before, but unfortunatley it always times with a drought. There really isn't a good time to talk about it, and from my experience talking about it just makes it worse for 3 months until the conversation fades away from memory and we can settle back into our old ways (which is a step up from the 3 months of awkwardness).
One big issue is whenever I talk about it, she thinks I just love sex, not her. I do show her in many ways that I love her every day.
As far a massaging her feet, I have. On average once a year. (She's never rubbed my feet) It never leads to sex though. Because if it did, she'd be like "I can't even get a foot massage without you wanting sex".
I don't meant to sound like "I'm right and she's wrong". I can respect and discuss. But she can't do that. Heck, she doesn't have to. Since she is in control of the "commodity", I have to play by her rules. (I am not a rapist).
Sometimes after a week of rejection, she'll say, "You had a rough night sleep tossing and turning last night. What's wrong? Are you stressed at work?"
I'll say, "well, I am feeling a bit rejected. I've wanted sex for the last 4 nights."
She'll say, "Are you kidding, this is all about sex? WIll you just let it go already? I am so tired of this argument. I'm so tired of feeling bad because I just want to go to sleep"....
Then it blows up and settles down over a couple months. I've been trained to not talk about it.
I guess I should talk about it during the good times. But somehow that seems like it would be a slap in the face.
Our youngest is 5. Great kids. As far as her being "touched out", why doesn't she see the importance of touching me? It's alkmost like she says "well, I won't do that and this relationship is not that important for me to worry about you leaving me."
Of course, I would never, and never have, threatened to leave her. But she must be really confident that she can treat me like this without fear.
To be honest, our relationship is perfect in all other regards. She really can't complain about anything and neither can I. We have lots of fun together and our kids. It's just touching, and sex that are lacking. I rub her neck when she's at the computer and I'm looking over her shoulder. I rub her back when we hug after I get home from work. Her hands don't really touch me sometimes when we hug. Just her arms. I swear sometimes I think she just doesn't love me anymore, but she's stuck with me because she has no means to support herself and the kids, and she has no grounds for divorce becasue to all of our friends, we are the greatest couple they know. It's all just feels fake, though, if we aren't lovers.
Now, I may be wrong too. For over-analyzing, for my fixation. WHat do we do if we have to be true to ourselves and we find out that we just aren't sexually compatible?
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