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Originally Posted by Rosie  Thanks for you replies everyone. Alex, your response was a big reality check for me. I'm going through this self hatred stage, where I can't stand looking at my self in the mirror. I think I'm worthless, and I feel like no one would ever like me. I'm really considering going to a mental hospital, however, I know that my parents will be really angry with me. They've always had the attitude that you should suck it up, and not talk about your problems. I'm afraid they will think of me as weak. |
I'm happy it hit you, you seemed to be going off the deep end. Everything you are going through is a combination of things but it's mostly the fear stuff. Self confidence, self worth, self esteem is gained through taking a fear and pushing through it. There's a lot that can help you but none of it will work if you don't get that one handled.
Depression and most other illnesses stem from being attached to the mind and what it has to say. That voice inside of your head that tells you that you are worthless and ugly is not you, it's only the mind. Most people believe that the voice is them and as a result run into a large amount of problems.
The mind is dualistic fear producing machine. It will literally sit there all day long telling you that you are a bad person and worthless. It feeds off of negative thoughts, anger, resentment, jealousy and comparing yourself to other people-this is how it gains greater control over you.
Take a minute and pay attention to your mind. Imagine you are watching your thoughts the same as you would watch a movie. You aren't a film critic so don't judge your thoughts as good or bad, just simply watch them. Notice how that voice doesn't shut up ever.
The thoughts that the mind produces aren't at all constructive to a healthy life. They are very destructive and will never stop so don't try and fight them. the key is to ignore the thoughts as if someone else was talking to you.
I suggest reading eckhart tolle the power of now, it will help.
"my parents would get angry with me if I talk about my problems" seems like you grew up in a very closed off family that had their own issues that weren't dealt with properly. It's great to talk about your problems just so you know exactly what they are and to be honest with yourself.
But you also need to do something about your problems. talking without action will only make things worse.
I have a little exercise you can try. Lay down on your bed and take a couple of deep breathes. Place your hands over your heart and say the following affirmation "I love and accept myself completely" and "I am truly loved"
Your mind will start talking as it usually does but just ignore it and dont get into an argument. Say those affirmations for ten minutes for a couple of days and let me know how it feels when you say them.