Quote:
Originally Posted by uberinquisitive  You just gave yourself the answer to your dilemma: Radiate harmonious waves. |
You're right uber. After writing on here about what Harmony means for me, I realized how much it means to me. I don't care whether it's or not my purpose, generating Harmony still is the most valuable goal I could possibly have in my eyes.
I also realized that by thinking "I'm useless" and all these other negative thoughts, I had allowed myself to be disharmonious, breaking my commitment to harmony through unconsciousness. It's amazing how unstable I've been, falling off-track just because K said something.
So I've been focusing on just being harmony again, and everything now feels very differently. I'm not desperate anymore, I'm not bored anymore, I feel wonderful and motivated.
Another big insight I had after writing on here is how much I love dancing tango. I hadn't realized that. I mean, I've been madly in love with tango since I discovered it, even though I was very frustrated with it. In Germany I had no partner to practice, no money to take lessons, no car to go to the tango evenings, and nobody there was dancing the style I would love to dance.
I've been reasonable. I don't want to become a tango teacher anyway, so I thought I'd rather put my energy into something with a future. Separating my career from my hobbies is not my style, and I loved tango too much to make it "just a hobby". Just like I did with K, I thought it wouldn't work out and decided to move on, but was never able to forget about it.
Today I realized how deeply I love it. I don't care about it being just a hobby anymore. I searched for tango dancers here in this new town, initiated contact with them, got an answer and will meet them this week! I'm sooo excited! So happy! I'm dancing in the living room. I intend to meet a partner to dance with me the way I dream of.
I'm back to Tango! Yippeeee!!!
Thank you, thank you, thank you.