Much of the foregoing is what I've been, perhaps weakly, trying to sum up as variants of the familiar "How do you get a job/experience without experience/a job?" problem.
I've spent most of my life building a "shell" around myself (even in my imagination, which is not good if "Magical IM" has been in play - one of the biggest chills I ever got was when a web acquaintance who knew nothing of them described the elaborate 'shields' I'd made for myself as a bullied kid, in eerily accurate detail.). If possible, when I start chipping it in earnest, I want to make darned sure I do it in a spot where I won't make the whole works collapse and crush me (did I mention I LOVE metaphor?)...
One more thing (boy do I get wordy when a button's pushed
) - as sick as I am of it, I can and will do another round of temping as necessary to "hold me over", but the cycle really must break, and I need to find some way to convince myself that I do in fact have a worthwhile existence in front of me, one that will amount to more than "[Waxy], could you key this in for me real quick? [Waxy], I need these filed away."
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I'm a fountain of emotional junk today! More stuff:
There's a part of me that always wished for, or felt there should be, some kind of 'script' to follow, at least initially, so that I would be able to get myself rolling on my True Path without having to worry about any defeating missteps along the way. Something to "boot up" the Waxy hard drive so as to get that nice new operating system going...