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Originally Posted by Remiel  After all did you understand him? Or did you merely think about it more? |
Yes, after it was all said and done, I understood why he felt badly about what I said. However, I still feel that what I was asking for was justified. So, now I am not sure how to solve the issue since if I get what I want he will feel hurt and if he gets what he wants I will still feel the same.
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Originally Posted by Remiel One thing I personally do to understand better is I do my best to not assume or project motivations onto another person. When in doubt I ask them and trust them for the most part. I know that I am misunderstood by my brother all the time and the reason is he projects himself onto me. Its ironic because I feel like I am a mirror reflecting back himself. I'm not entirely sure if I'm right but alot of the things I see reflected back make sense. I'm not judging him based on this mind you, just trying to gain insights into what makes him tick. |
Ah, there is one problem I have. I think I am projecting, but also when I ask for a clarification, I still have disbelief to whether it's true. I always feel on guard for being lied to and I have a lot of trouble trusting what people say so that is something I will just have to decide to do and leave it at that. As far as my boyfriend goes, he feels like I am grilling him when I ask for more information, but I'm not sure how to solve that.
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Originally Posted by Remiel I'd recommend considering other people as mirrors. So the next time you think your boyfriend is doing XYZ think about why you think that. Is it actually that you would be doing XYZ if you were in his shoes in the same situation? |
That's a good idea. Usually I think it's not so much that I would be doing XYZ in the situation, it's that I
fear that he is doing/thinking XYZ. When it comes to other people it's the same. In these forums when I've been told I've misunderstood, it seems that it's about a topic that generates a lot of fear in me.
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Originally Posted by Remiel To sum it up I think that "when in doubt, just ask" is a good motto for understanding. Try repeating what they said in your own words and ask them if you understood them correctly. |
That's a good idea. As far as my boyfriend he seems frustrated when I do this, but I will explain to him that I want us to be able to communicate better and ask that he be patient when I want to clarify what he means. Hopefully that will work.