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Originally Posted by bingo  If we break up and he then kills himself, I'm going to feel horrible, like a murderer. Should I stay in the relationship and try to help him the best I can. And how do you help someone that has suicidal thoughts. I've never had any thoughts like this myself, so have no idea how to handle it. Should I try to get his family to help, even though his relationship with them is kind of messed up, because they don't like him being gay...and by extension, don't like me. I'm completely at a loss. Any ideas what I can do? |
The only time I came across someone I thought to be on the verge of suicide I felt like I'd rip my heart out and offer it to him or the powers that be on a silver plater if that's what it'd take to help him. I cared so much, if he really had killed himself I most likely would have gone right after him. I felt totally responsible for saving him, like it'd be my ultimate failure in life if anything happened to him.
That's not true though, neither for me nor for you, cause each person has his or her own basic free will. You can only help so much, but the ultimate decisions rest with each person, and you're not responsible for those decisions somebody else makes.
That said, there is probably a lot you can do to help. For starters, since your mate is down on his knees right now, leaving him isn't what I'd do, especially since your reasons for leaving the relationship look like you were following a mental red herring anyway.
That vague sense of dissatisfaction you feel most likely has nothing to do with your relationship at all. Very often when you say "I feel the relationship isn't going anywhere", what you're really feeling is: "I'm not going anywhere", and you simply look for a scapegoat outside yourself. No relationship will give you a lasting sense of fulfillment if you haven't already learned to grow that feeling on your own.
Do what your intuition tells you to do. For each situation there's a different solution, and I can't really tell yours more than in a general way.
Admittedly running to professionals and family or forcing them on your mate, though they're a lot of steps further removed from him than where you are currently standing, to me feels a bit like you're shying the challenge placed before you. I'd suggest talking to your mate first of all -not letting on about your doubts about the relationship- before you go and talk to anybody else, like his family. Listen, really listen.
And come to terms with yourself on how much support you're willing to give out, how far you're willing to go for your mate and in that accept responsibility for your own decision and act upon it. You have no way of knowing what your mate will decide no matter what your actions. To know at least where you stand and standing by yourself in your decisions -as in being determined to have no regrets whatever the outcome- will be a relief.
My best wishes go out to both of you.